The First Few Weeks

Bringing a Newborn Home

Those first few weeks at home with a newborn are so many things, they are magical, they are exciting, they are surreal, they are wonderful but let's be honest, they are so hard!  When every second you are needed to feed, change, rock, burp, hold, entertain a small one AND keep the rest of your life in order (pay bills, buy food, cook meals, keep the other kids alive) it starts to dawn on you how massive the task of a newborn can be.

Here is just a quick post on how not only to simply survive those first few weeks, but to even thrive a little.  God has given you this amazing task of parenthood.  Your baby that you've held in heart/mind/body is now HERE in the flesh.  Make the most of every moment and be able to take a shower and smell good too.

Step 1-

Let others help you!

Do you even know how exciting it is for others to see you and the baby right now?  You are it sweetheart!  You did it!  You had this baby and people want to help you, cook meals for you, bring you gifts, hear your birth story (however wonderful or traumatic it was), hold your baby, clean your toilets.  We will do just about anything to help you at this time and the biggest mistake you could make at this time is to say, no.  Don't do it.  Let people stop by and bring a meal.  This doesn't mean you let people stay over for hours on end, have boundaries, but please dear one, let people in.  Let mamas spoil you... let people make you chili, let people fold your laundry, let people do your dishes or watch your other kids.  If they offer say YES!  Because after a few months the newness will be gone and it will be you and your little one alone on the couch wondering where all the people are!  This is good not only for the other kids in your house to see how loved you are, to feel the support, for your husband to have extra help too is wonderful, but it will brighten your days, it feels so good to share your birth story with friends, it is so cool to see your family and friends bond with your baby.  

Step 2-

Use paper products!

You are not Martha Stewart.  You are not Joanna Gaines.  You just had a baby and you need rest, you need to bond with your baby, and you need to put your feet up when that baby closes his/her eyelids.  I never knew how much I needed to rest until after I had a newborn.  My body was so tired and instead of listening to my body every time Julia or Mark slept I thought it was my lot in life to clean the house, cook the next meal, and do yet another load of laundry.  Girlfriend, it took me until I had Micah to actually R. E. S. T.  Paper products may be bad for the planet, but for 3-4 weeks it's not a big deal.  Use paper plates, napkins, and paper cups.  The less you have to wash, the less you have to put in the dish washer, the less you have to put away the BETTER.  If people who are bringing you a meal ask do you need me to bring anything else say, "Would you mind brining paper plates by?"  And they will and you will be so thankful.  Trust me.  I have learned that the less cleaning I do the more family quality time I have and that my sweet is more precious to me than gold.

Step 3-

Take a million pictures!

Listen, sweet pants, this new baby is going to be so well fed and so well rested and be in size 3 months clothing and size 1 diapers before you know it!  Now is the time to take pictures of them in their crib, in their siblings laps, on their Daddy's chest.  Now is the time to paint their hand and make finger prints and foot prints and frame them.  Now is the time to take a picture of them propped up by a window where they are getting extra sunlight because they are jaundice.  Now is the time to take 2 million selfies with them.  There is no such thing as over posting when you have a newborn.  People love to see babies.  They are all so sweet and beautiful.  Take a million pictures because once they start crawling picture taking is a whole different ball game.

Step 4-

Don't worry about the Weight!

Hey, it took 9 months to put the 30 something (more or less) pounds on, and it's completely ok for it to take 9 months to get it all off.  Don't stress about baby weight.  Nobody cares.  Really, nobody is thinking how you need to lose weight.  All they care about is you and that sweet baby you brought into the world.  Seriously don't get hung up on things like fitting back into all your clothes at a certain point.  You either will or you won't and if you have to get some new clothes down the line you will.  Take care of you and the baby and really your body will do a great job for you.  Put everything into perspective.  You are beautiful.  You are loved.  And God has blessed you with a family to care for.

Step 5-

Cherish Every Minute.

I used to hate when people would say that to me after I had Julia.  Like really?  Cherish the fact that I can't sleep for 8 hours anymore?  Cherish the fact that I have leaky boobs on my clean shirts.  Cherish the fact that I now have double the amount of laundry/work in my life?  Cherish the fact that my nipples are sore and I'm tired all of the time.  Yup.  Want to know why?  In a few weeks you are going to be completely in a rhythm.  You got this mom thing!  You were made to be a Mom.  And when you cherish the moment you realize how quickly this baby will be a kid.  This is just a season in the parent hood life.  It doesn't stay like this for long.  In a few months it will be a new thing to cherish...teething, rolling over, crawling, eating solids, sitting up, talking...it keeps changing, they keep growing, and the thing is you will too.  You will grow and change and cherish each season and then you can look back on the memories with fondness and joy and remember how great it was to sit on the couch holding a sweet newborn that just spit up all over you.  Trust me.  It's all in perspective. Cherish this time.  Be so thankful for every minute.  God is so good.  He is bigger than any of your problems or issues you may be facing.  He is there with you in these moments.  And He loves you.  He will guide you every step of the way on your parenthood journey!  Just allow Him to.

Thirty Something...

My beautiful 30 year old (YOUNGER) sister Sara

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." --C. S. Lewis

I have loved being in my thirties.  

In your twenties you have so many doubts and insecurities. At least I did.  But in your thirties you start to feel grounded, comfortable, confident.

It's the first time I felt truly happy and I don't care what other people think.

I spent a lot of my teen years and 20's comparing myself to other people and wanting what other people had and wishing I was different.

Now I spend more of my time being thankful to God for His timing, for where He has placed me, and with whom I am surrounded and for my purposes in life.

I appreciate people more.  All people.  All ages.

I listen more.

I genuinely feel people who are older and wiser than me have a lot to teach me and want to hear how they have done things, why they have done things a certain way, and take as many tips and advice as I can.

I enjoy learning new things.  Always have but now it's thrilling to learn something new and pass it on.

I talk more! I finally have found my "voice".  My husband will tell you I have always had a voice, and never struggled to tell him exactly how I feel.  But that's because I have always felt comfortable with him.  Finding my voice and speaking my truth took a long time.  He has helped me to believe in myself and trust my instincts because he has always trusted and listened to me and since he thinks I am the "expert" in our house he makes me feel so valuable and important it makes me feel like I have the right to be myself and say how I feel.

I have come to realize that the people I surround myself with truly does impact the way I view and feel about myself.  And therefore I choose friends that I admire and people who inspire me, not people who bring me down or are negative all the time.

I am less defensive.  I want to work out issues and resolve things instead of being passive aggressive. I much rather peace than drama!

I appreciate my parents more and realize that some of what they did was not necessarily to hurt me but maybe they truly did have my best interest at heart.

I am less selfish because I realize the universe does NOT revolve around me and my family.  I realize that putting others first does in fact feel good and in turn blesses me in the long run.

Having children has helped me to see that I need less than I thought I did and has taught me that I could survive on very little sleep and still conquer the world the next day (Thanks to Jesus and coffee.)

I am more confident.

And it has nothing to do with me per se I just feel more comfortable in my skin.

I can remember growing up wishing my skin were darker, wishing I didn't have curly hair, wishing I was taller, wishing all the things young people wish when they don't appreciate who they are.

But once you are older, and you realize who created you, and why you were put on earth, and how much value and worth you have because of Him, you are like, okay God, let's do this!

It's the first time in life I have felt like I know what the heck I am doing.  I have some street cred and it's all thanks to experience, marriage and motherhood.

The thirties have been awesome! I get to share this awesome decade for a few years with my sister Sara before leaving it for the 40s...something tells me if the thirties have been this good and eye opening the 40s will only be better :)

"In the end it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years."  Abraham Lincoln

Her Journey...Not Mine

The first born...

We have such high hopes, so many dreams, so many expectations for all of our children, don't we?

But that first child... is it just me or are they almost magical?  There's something you just can't explain. There is a bond that is deep and an extra special feeling of knowing that that particular child made you a mom.  And because that child is older they tend to be your right hand.

In our experience we waited 4 years before we even started trying to have a baby.  We wanted to travel and establish "us" first.  After that it took almost 2 years for Julia to get here. The first year just trying to "get pregnant" and the second year just being pregnant and planning and waiting and reading every single book on parenting, sleeping schedules, discipline, food charts, we wanted to get it all right...

We lived in a different house when Julia was born and I can remember how every nook and cranny was filled with "her" from her high chair to exer-saucer, from her toys and mounds of clothes the minute she was with us it was all about this beautiful baby girl. I kept reading books on how to be a good parent.  I kept praying for her and asking for wisdom and guidance.  And I still remember that winter, snowy day driving her home and sitting in the back seat with her and thinking..."We get to bring her home?!...like what do we even do?? How are these nurses and doctors even allowing us to bring home this human??  Are we even ready for this?"

Then she started talking and crawling and walking and before we knew it this baby was no longer a baby, she was a person!  She was a girl with opinions and wants of her own.  She was crawling by 8 months, and talking up a storm by 10 months.  She was always so aware of her surroundings and her blue eyes were always captivated by people.

This whole time I kept wanting the best for her.  The best schooling, the best surroundings, the best books, the best learning toys.  I wanted her to experience as many new places as possible and I wanted her to love people and learning so we were always going to play dates, and gymnastics, and library story time.  I wanted to expose her to as many positive experiences as possible and I was so excited to see her joy as she made friends and learned new things.  It was always a double blessing.

We started doing homeschool officially when Julia was age 4, we enrolled in a homeschool coop and started doing social studies projects, and buying curriculum.  I wanted her to learn to read so badly by age 5 because I wanted to be able to say, "I taught her how to read," but like any average kid it finally happened around age 6.  I was so intense with homeschool at first.  I was so structured and so hard on myself.   Julia always loved the painting, and coloring, and reading books and she has the best imagination there is.  I love watching her play to this day because there is such a happy go lucky free spirit about her.

She is so different from me.

I always tried growing up to please everyone and succeed.  Julia just enjoys being and having fun.  She is so comfortable in her own skin.   Life is simple with her.  It is never complicated.  I am learning that now that she is almost 9 that this is all about her journey.  

She is going to have her own precious walk with the Lord.  She is going to learn to depend on Him and her faith is going to grow with each of her life experiences.  I can't deepen her faith or make her grow.  I can guide her.  I can be a good example.  I can teach her to pray and read the Bible and show her what it means to follow Christ but she is going to have to choose to walk that road.

She is going to make her own friends at school.  I pray everyday that she makes wise choices in the friend department.  We have been praying about and for her friends even before she was born.

She is going to make mistakes and need forgiveness.  She is going to learn to grow from those mistakes.

I can remember thinking (when I was pregnant with her) how am I going to raise a strong little lady?  Then she was born and I realized that she has a lot of strength already.  

God has given me a daughter who knows what she wants and finds a way to make it happen.  

It truly amazes me every day that we bring children into this world, but that God paves their journey.  We can do our best and our part, but there is so much that they have to learn and discover on their own.  For me that is both exciting and terrifying.

This year especially I have had to surrender a lot of control over Julia and Mark as they go to school and are not homeschooled for now.  One thing I loved about homeschooling was the control of who their friends were, and the things they were exposed to and learning and the environment in which they learned.  

I know that we did the absolute right thing for both of our kids and I have no regrets whatsoever.  I loved homeschooling but I also felt I was dragging Micah and Mia to things and sticking them in a nursery for hours instead of giving them the quality time they needed.  This year I have been able to truly invest in my littles and I am loving it!  From mommy and me swim class, the library story time, to a christian homeschool coop called Big Kids where Micah and Mia get to learn all about God with kids their age.  

This doesn't mean we will never homeschool again, in fact we are praying about next year and are almost 90% sure we are homeschooling.  But so far this year has been such a great change for us and I have loved watching Julia in particular blossom where she has been planted.  We keep praying that she will grow into a young lady that fears God, that she will walk in His ways, and continue to be that joy filled free spirit that sees the sparkle in everything.

Watching your first born child (actually any of your children) grow and mature is the coolest thing (and scariest thing).  I am learning that it is so important to take each day one at a time.  I'm trying not to look too far ahead, but to prayerfully consider the next best step for her and for us.  And I am mindful that this is her journey...not mine.

Tales From The Chicken Coop

Organic Eggs

The whole reason we decided to raise chickens was because we wanted free organic eggs everyday.  We eat a lot of eggs and we thought to ourselves, we have a big back yard why not get some chickens, raise them, and get eggs for free?  We also love the size of our back yard and feel we have plenty of room for growing veggies and raising chickens.  And since we have 4 kids who love animals and love to learn, and since Julia belongs on a farm and seriously is so gifted with animals this was a no brainer of a choice.  I mean we raised butterflies for 2 weeks during homeschool science last year...how hard could chickens be?  

Rosa, Sophia, and Kiki (Spikey is eating in the coop)

On July 9th we picked up 4 chickens for $2 a pop, our friend Christa and Jason who moved gave us their chicken coop and fencing which was so helpful and we became that weird chicken raising family which kind of makes sense when you think about us anyway.  Everyone knows we love the farm life.  So a few months has passed and it has gotten slightly cooler and so John needed to build a bigger, warmer, more insulated (Spartan-like) coop.  At 5 months old chickens start their egg laying duty...we are a few weeks away from getting eggs!  Our Rosa, Sophia, Kiki, and Spikey are about 4 months old now.  They eat ALL the time.  They are always hungry.  They are super easy to care for and the best part is that John cleans all the chicken poop out every weekend, without me even asking him.  Did I mention that the chicken raising was ALL his idea?  

John built this coop in 2 weekends...it's pretty amazing.

The coop is in the way back part of our property behind our shed and next to our vegetable garden.  I have no idea why John spray painted a red Spartan helmet on the door, but it makes him very happy so let's just let him have it.  He says we are raising Spartan chickens.  

Some things you may not know about chickens are that they are very quiet.  We never ever ever want a rooster because they are loud and because we only want 4 chickens.  Having a rooster would mean we would have baby chicks in the spring...and we only want to manage the 4 right now.  Plus, my neighbors would not appreciate a rooster.  Let's be real.

All chickens lay eggs at 5 months for a time...I still have to research how long they actually lay eggs for...I'm guessing at least a year or two...maybe more?  They lay one egg a day and I can't wait for the day to open their coop and actually start collecting organic brown eggs...side note, Mark's chicken is an Americana bird and she will be laying blue eggs!  

The chickens come out of their coop during the day to hang out in the pen area and they eat bugs and grass and love pecking the ground in search of yummy bugs like ticks and spiders (another reason to love them).  We make sure inside their coop where they sleep at night has shelves for hanging out, hay for keeping warm and water and food.  Each morning I feed them organic chicken feed and it looks like wheat germ.  Soon they will start eating kitchen scraps...and I've heard they love watermelon and strawberries.

Julia and Mark have helped feed the chickens after school, but last Friday, Julia fed the chickens and left their food latch open...all 4 chickens flew right out of the coop and in the morning I had a lovely surprise in the backyard.  I had to rally 4 chickens into the coop and let me tell you I was a sight for sore eyes.  I had my nightgown on with a t-shirt thrown over it, leggings and my Toms on!  My neighbor Cesar lent me a hand.  I caught 2 of the chickens and returned them to the coop but Rosa and Spikey were too hard to catch.  I put extra food in a smaller coop and by 2pm they wandered in and I closed that coop shut.  Let's just say it wasn't their finest hour.  I really thought about eating chicken for dinner.

The kids love the chickens.  They are part of the family now.  Even if they tried to escape and forced me to run around crazy like a lunatic in my own back yard.  

Cookie Cutter Kids

Cookie Cutter: marked by lack of originality or distinction, very similar to other things of the same kind : not original or different

After bringing home 4 different babies in the past 8 years I have learned one thing for certain not one of my kids is perfect and each of them is completely different from the other.  Each one has a very unique personality from day one.  They also come with strengths and weaknesses.  One of the hardest parts of our parenting job is helping to mold them and shape them into the people that God wants them to be.  For me, this has been my greatest challenge.

I grew up fearing authority, knew when to keep my mouth closed, and really sought to make my parents proud of me in school and in my extracurricular activities.  I was told that talking back was disrespectful.  I was taught to sit still and be quiet in church.  I can still remember the glares I got from my Dad as my feet swung back and forth in the church chairs.  We were never allowed to wear make up, nail polish, or chew gum.  And although my parents had three daughters none of us were allowed to pierce our ears until we were in high school.  When we went to school or church we were supposed to look and act a certain way.  Most of the time I felt like how I behaved on the outside was the most important.  Even if my thoughts and heart were far from what was good or right.

Very often I want my kids to just be quiet, follow all the rules I make up, and sit still, and sometimes I see their quirky personality traits as annoying instead of wonderful.  I know that this is wrong and unrealistic.  I know that kids need to talk, need to question, need to run, and I also know that I should be celebrating how unique they are.  But many times it is easier when they just conform to what I want, rather than what is best.  And many times I am so overwhelmed with 4 kids that even the talking and questions alone are enough to set me over the edge.

On a daily basis I have to remind myself that my job as a parent is to do what Proverbs 22: 6 says:

"Train up a child in the way he should go,And when he is old he will not depart from it."

My job is also to celebrate their personalities and differences!  Of course we need to reel them in when they are doing wrong things.  But being wild, or loud, or asking questions is not bad, the way I used to think it was or the way I grew up thinking.  I shouldn't expect my one son to act just like my other son.  I shouldn't expect my 7 year old daughter to act like a self controlled adult.

Many times I expect my kids to behave like adults and I get so frustrated when they don't.  It's comical almost.  They are kids.  They are learning.  And most times I just want control.  Let's face it...life with kids is all about being flexible, and realizing that sometimes life is just chaotic, loud, and slightly crazy.

The only reason why I am able to do half of the things I do is because I have an awesome husband who supports me and a gracious God who forgives me.  Did you ever in a million years realize that motherhood would be this hard?  Ah, but it is.  None of us has it easier than the next.  None of us has perfect cookie cutter kids.  All of us have our ups and downs, good days and bad days.

A friend reminded me awhile ago that when I start to feel hopeless or get down on myself start to think of all the ways that God has blessed me and think about the many good things He has done and will continue to do.  Stop focusing just on the bad stuff and start being reminded of all the good that is around you and in store for you.  It really does change your perspective.

And realize that some days it really is okay to just cry!

Suffering in Silence

My Struggle With Panic Attacks

The panic attacks started towards the end of high school.  I was your typical over achiever with a lot of things on my plate between being involved in plays, clubs, AP classes, choir, not to mention issues at home, and I wasn't a talker.  I was a stuffer.  All my emotions, worries, feelings, stresses, I kept to myself.  I had lots of friends, and several best friends, but because of my home life and my other stressors... I didn't feel people wanted to hear about those things.  I preferred to keep my problems a secret.

It was a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and the bottom of my throat.  All of the sudden I wouldn't be able to breathe.  I would get anxious, and I would just want to scream or cry and at one point just fall to my knees.  I would work myself to exhaustion.  I would go go go and not take time to just sit and rest and think about things.  I have always preferred to keep a high paced life.  I'm not one to sleep in, or sip my coffee, or mope about the house.  The minute I'm up, the race begins.

The worries, and stresses of life didn't go away.  It got so bad during my senior year that I finally sought help with a guidance counselor.  She sat me down and very calmly but matter of factly stated, "Kristi, you just had a panic attack."  I remember her reaching into her small fridge in her office and grabbing me a mini water.  As I sat there and drank it down, it was the first time I felt relief.  I was ready to stop running.  I was ready to start opening up and talking about the things at home that were bothering me.  And I was thankful that this woman had a name for what I was feeling.

I sat there and we talked.  I explained some issues I was facing at home, and she listened.  I told her how alone and overwhelmed I felt.  I told her I was often angry and anxious and didn't know why. She recommend some support groups... I never took her up on that offer.  But later in college I did see a counselor often to talk.  It helped a lot.

My panic attacks stopped after that.  I thought they were gone for good.  And actually I even forgot about them and my struggle with them...until I became a mom.  And once I had Amelia...our fourth...they started coming much more frequently.   Between the crazy move, and the fourth kid, and homeschooling, managing a home, cooking meals, cleaning, being involved at church...I just really lost it.  There were times I pictured myself not being here anymore.  I really struggled with doing it all and being everything to everyone.  I lost who I was, what my purpose was, and I felt everything starting to slip out of my hands...and I was sinking, down, down, down in quick sand, and no one, not even John could help me.  I was here all alone with these 4 children.  And I just couldn't keep up.

And then as if matters couldn't get any worse, a panic attack would hit me head on.  It would happen before guests would arrive, or after dinner time when trying to bathe 4 kids, and pick up the house, and keep the peace seemed like the most daunting task ever. I.  Can't.  Do. This.  I would text John that line frequently.  The attacks got really bad during January, February, and March.  We all got the flu, one by one, and while I'm bringing kids to the doctors for ear infections, and nursing a newborn, and feeling sick myself, I just wondered what more I could take.

Anxiety is one of the worst feelings because how do you explain to a friend that you feel like you're falling apart or you would rather not be here when you should be happy?  I mean what do I have to complain about?  I have an awesome husband, a big house, 4 beautiful and healthy kids, come on lady, suck it up and get with the program, right?  Who am I to complain?  I'm tough! I'm super woman!  No.  I'm not.  I'm just a human trying to make it.  So I didn't tell anyone.  This is the first time I'm even writing about it.  Yes, I say it's hard having four kids all the time, but I often don't say just how hard it really is.

So, how did I get to grips with these attacks?  Well, first I realized they were hormonal.  They usually happened right around my cycle.  And that was very eye opening for me although I should've known that it would be that simple.  I also needed to tell someone I was struggling with them, so back in February/March I opened up to my prayer warrior friend Debi.  I was praying for her and her cancer journey and I felt close enough to share with her what I was going through.  I have to say it was very humbling and made me feel very vulnerable to tell her I was struggling with feeling so out of sorts.  She even mentioned she was surprised because I make having four kids look so easy, but we all know that appearances are not always what they seem.

Knowing that Debi, and two other special prayer warriors in our group were praying for me really did encourage me that I wasn't alone.  It also forced me to talk about it more with John and to pray about it on my own.

I wish I could say I haven't had an attack for several months.  But the truth is I still occasionally get them.  I think as a perfectionist (my pride always gets the best of me) it will always be a struggle of mine.  I want things to go a certain way and look a certain way, and life with 6 of us under a roof isn't meant to be quiet, calm, or perfect.  Life is messy.  Life is chaotic.  And life is noisy.  (My three pet pieves.  

A verse that I always cling to is Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I will always cling to God.  In the good moments I cling to Him because He has blessed me, and in the scary moments I can cling to Him when I am afraid.  He is such a good God because He is always there.  I am not ever alone.  During the winter months especially I started to get depressed being indoors.  I just wanted to get out of the house!  It was so cold!  It kept snowing!  I was getting so impatient.  But God was right there with me, encouraging me along the way.  I had to learn too, that I can't rely on people.  I need to put Him first and go to Him first.  God is my strength.  He helps me and upholds me when I can't do it and when I can do it, it is because He is helping me!  I don't have to be super woman because I serve an extraordinary-super God.  

Breaking the silence and talking about my panic attacks isn't easy.  I had to admit that I don't have it all together.  I do struggle day to day.  I have good days and bad days.  But it sure feels good to talk about it finally and to share.  I know I am not alone.  So many of us suffer in silence instead of sharing our stories.  And our stories are so powerful because God has made us in His image and we all have a purpose.  If I have learned anything from my home life it is that it is never good to suffer in silence.  We are meant to connect with people and cling to our creator!

This post was inspired by my friend Christa Cordova.  She encouraged a group of us to blog about each of our unique stories of how God works through our struggles and redeems our circumstances.  #notfinefriday

My Birthday Truth

Older and Hopefully a Bit Wiser...

I have been married to my best friend for 12 years now.

I have spent the past 8 years being pregnant and raising little ones.

I have come to the conclusion that I am smart and that I do have some wisdom to share with others.  Whether it be a type A person that needs all their ducks in a row, a hard working single with their career on their mind, a new mom just starting to figure out how hard/lonely it can be to be a mom, or a wife who really wants to bless the man she has chosen to be her forever love.  Hopefully you will find something here that may help/encourage/tickle your funny bone.

Put Others First

I have realized that even though Physical touch is not my Love Language, however, my husband, my boys, and my daughters crave lots of hugs, kisses, and cuddles and I need to step out of my own comfort zone and meet their needs.  It's not my primary way of showing love.  I'd much rather make an elaborate dinner or plan a party, or buy a heartfelt gift, or read a book each night and spend time together, but I am learning that sometimes love comes in many different fashions and showing people love in their love language is actually very sacrificial and really an honor.  It has changed me and it's very freeing to just love on people instead of doing just what is more convenient or easier for you.

Pregnant last July with Amelia our 4th and final baby

Celebrate the Stage of Life you are currently in!

I have been bare foot and pregnant since 2007...and I can honestly say... I am loving NOT being pregnant!  I am loving that I can start passing on our baby clothes, baby books, etc. and start sharing with others.  I am loving that I can wear my regular clothes!  I love that I no longer need elastic in my pants.  I can wear something other than a blousy top and stretch pants.  It has been so great to give away all my maternity clothes.  Being pregnant was a miracle all 4 times. I am so thankful for our 4 healthy children.  I am also done.  And I am thankful for the stage of life we are in.  I feel very settled and finally feel "back to normal".  It took 9 months for me to feel this way.  With my other kids it took maybe 6 weeks or 2-3 months.   But this last baby it took 9 months.  I think with each birth it just took longer to get used to another little person.  I'm proud of the mom that I am and I am proud to say I am done having kids.  I don't feel like a bad person to say that the way some people want to make me feel.  I feel God has blessed us with 4 amazing kids and I have really reached my limit.  It's very true that when you are done having kids you know it.

Cherish the Little Things

God has taught me to enjoy every single moment with my kids.  He has taught me that every moment is a gift.  And if a new head band makes us smile and laugh and take a selfie in the mirror, then by golly enjoy that moment.  My children and their personalities have shaped me into the mom and woman that I am today and I love discovering new things about them.  I love asking them questions and seeing how they answer them.  I love being with them.  I love having breaks from them.  I know my limits and I thoroughly enjoy each of them.  

Make Each Moment Count

I will forever date my husband.  I will make time for us.  I will enjoy our quality time no matter how infrequent or plentiful.  The times that we get away and are just the two of us together I will cherish.  I may take a million pics so that I will remember each moment but I will also take time to hold his hand, put my head on his shoulder, give him my full attention, and laugh the time away.  We may talk about the kids the whole time we are away, but we won't be interrupted and we won't hear, "EWWWW!" every time we hug or kiss.  Date nights will always be sacred and I love John for always taking time to be with me.

Build People Up!

I am very critical and I tend to have a negative tone with my older daughter.  God has convicted me on more than one occasion that I need to stop being a manager sometimes and remember to tell her what she needs to hear, things like..." I love you." "I'm so proud of you." and "You are beautiful." need to be a part of my daily vocabulary.  I need to hear those things from my husband and I need to remember to build up my children with my words while they are young.  So this is something I am still working on, but I have to say I do remember to tell Julia almost every day, "I couldn't do this without you."  She helps me so much each day.  Things like taking a shower and washing the dishes or prepping dinner wouldn't happen without her help in watching Amelia and Micah.  She is such a big help to me.  

Take A Break

My friend Katie from church taught me something this past year.  Moms need a break.  We need time to ourselves.  We need time to recharge.  We need time to think.  We need quiet.  We need to feel like a person and not a machine or a nascar pitstop (as my husband refers to me).  Every Monday her husband would watch the kids when he got home from work and she took time out of the home to just be alone.  She might grab a coffee.  She might visit a friend.  She might sit in her car and read a book!  But she takes time for herself and it really helps her.  So, I talked to John and he agreed that I needed the same thing.  Each Thursday my sister Sara and I go out and it is my mom's night out.  We grab a coffee, we sit and talk in her car, sometimes we catch a movie.  Sometimes we just walk through the mall and laugh and talk.  It has been the highlight of my week.  I come home smiling.  I feel more relaxed.  I feel like a human being!  And I get to spend quality time with my sister.  We have gotten even closer than we already were and it has helped me to get out of the house and recharge.  

Fully Rely On God (F.R.O.G.)

 God has my back.  Last summer I thought I lost my faith.  I was so afraid we would be homeless with Amelia.  I struggled so much in trusting God through it all.  I couldn't control the bank, the mortgage approval, the buyers, the sellers. I had to trust that God's perfect timing would protect and provide for us.  The house I felt was our home fell through and I was so hurt and angry.  Even in that moment of frustration I knew, God had something even better for us.  And He did.  And He provided.  And all the while He had our back.  It brought me to my knees again.  It made me pray hard again.  It made me realize I have nothing in control.  It made me love Him all the more.  It's those moments of God testing our faith that we realize how faithful He is and how fickle we can be.  I am so thankful that He runs our relationship.  I am so thankful that He is reliable.  I am so thankful that He doesn't always reveal what will lay ahead.  

Don't Expect Perfection. Period.

Life will be a hot mess.  But if you believe that miracles happen.  If you believe that God is able.  If you trust God with your life and put your life in His hands...it will be alright.  It won't be perfect.  There will be good days and bad days.  There will be panic attacks. there will be gray hairs.  Their will be disagreements.  There will be messes.  But God will be faithful.  He will always be there.  He loves you.  And He wants what is best for you even if you don't see what He is doing, He is working.  I like neat rows.  I like my kids lined up.  I like shoes tied, belts buckled, and all hairs neatly behind a bow.  But life isn't like that.  My birthday truth is simple.  I am a mess.  God is perfect.  I am not patient.  God is patient.  I fail.  He is victorious.  I freak out when things don't go my way, and God loves me through it all and never leaves me.  Basically, I serve an awesome God.  I'm glad for this life He has given me.

Happy Birthday, Micah-boy! Two!!!

December- Erin's Studio

Happy Birthday, buddy!

So, it's your birthday.  This week it's all about you!

From the new clothes, to the balloons and cake we ordered, to the brand new toys we are wrapping up, we are going all out to make your day tomorrow extra special...but first let's take a look at how much you've grown since last year!

March 2014 - Erin's studio

Last year you looked so handsome during your one year photo shoot with Ms. Erin!  She said you were her most mobile 1 year old.

June- COTW

We had such a fun time at Camp of the Woods this summer!  You loved the sand and the lake, and going to the Sonju gym to play basketball and volleyball!  It was your second time there but this time you could walk, and run, and play in the water!

July-7 President's Beach

You loved our other trips to the beach and you loved your binky (ni-ni).  But for the past two weeks you have been Binky-free!  Mommy is so proud of you!

August-At the Car Wash

You got to enjoy being the baby for a few months before Miss Amelia was born and then you became a Cool Big Bro!

September-Erin's studio

You have been so good with Amelia...I love how you call her Baby Girl and kiss her gently (most of the time).  I like how you want to share with your toys with her (we won't mention the few times you threw toys into her crib).

October-Pumpkin Picking at Battleview Orchards

So with our new home and our new baby we had a wonderful Fall.  Your hair seemed to glow extra blonde, and you loved exploring the back yard and meeting new neighbors when we went trick or treating!  You were a very cute Super Man!

We noticed how much you look like your big brother and we see how much you look up to him and copy him.  You are most happy when Julia and Mark include you and you really want to be with them.

November -Thanksgiving Day at Uncle Tio and Aunt Debi's

We love you so much Micah.  Mommy and Daddy are so glad you were born.  You fill our day with so much joy and so much fun.  You make us laugh out loud and we can't help but hug you and pick you up when you say, "Up-a-high."  Which I will never ever correct you for saying, but it means "pick me up."  You are just the sweetest boy!  

December- Christmas Morning at home

This year at Christmas you really enjoyed visiting all the family and making everyone smile.  You loved eating all the yummy desserts at Uncle Michael's house.  You especially loved eating the strawberries!

December- Erin's studio

Sometimes being in a big family is rough.  Everyone has something to say.  Sometimes it's really loud.  And a lot of times you just don't understand why Amelia is crying!  One thing I have learned about you Micah is that you are very honest.  If you don't want someone to hug or kiss you or touch you, well, you let them know!  I think that is good!  In this family with so many people you have to be able to stick up for yourself!

Jan/Feb Sayre Woods Bible Church (Classical Conversations)

I love how you get ready to go to school each Wednesday when we go to Classical Conversations and you bring your own lunch box and back pack!  You are so grown up and talking so much like a big boy now!  I also have noticed how polite you are with your "please," and "thank-you."

March- On St. Patrick's Day at home

God has great things in store for you buddy!  He has an awesome plan for your life and I am so glad he let us be your parents!  

Sonju Complex at Camp of the Woods

You fit right into our crazy family...you complete us!

You have the best smile that melts our hearts!

You really are our pot of gold!  So glad you were born on March 25th, 2013 at 2:21 p.m.  I can't imagine a single moment without you!  Happy Birthday...

Sisters

Julia and Amelia

My prayer for these two is that they will be best friends.

I want them to love each other for what they have in common and what makes the other unique.

Hoping they will enjoy each other's company.  And really know how to make one another smile.

I plan on seeing them in each other's rooms giggling and playing dress up.

I can already see how much Amelia looks up to Julia with her sweet innocent eyes, and I love how Julia absolutely adores her baby sister.

Having a sister is so incredibly special.  This sweet person knows you inside and out and still loves you no matter what!

It Matters

Investing in our families does matter

This post was sparked after I received a text from my husband while at church today.  The poor guy was home yet another Sunday with a different sick child.  Thankfully he lets me go and teach our class while he stays home with whomever happens to be sick, this week it was Micah with a stomach bug and fever on Friday.  Since he woke up with still some symptoms of a cold John said he would stay home.

We got to church at 10:40 a.m.  A bit early so I could go to a quick women's meeting and then prep for my students.  Mark and Julia went to worship with my sister while I prepped the classroom and re-read the lesson.  John's text came about 11:45 am and it said: 

"So I've been cleaning the kitchen and the dining room since you left and just finished. (I left at 10 am) And now its lunchtime and I have to get ready for lunch, so literally all you do is cook and clean and then get ready for the next meal.  I don't know how you do anything else on your plate."--John

Texts like this always make me smile and fill me with pride and a feeling of accomplishment.  It's moments like that when John gets a glimpse into my world at home with the kids (actually all he had was Micah, I had taken the other 3 to church with me).  Even if he only has half the kids I normally have he still has the duties that I would have, minus the errands and homeschooling.  It makes me happy to know that he appreciates all the things I do when he is working, the schooling, food shopping, going to the bank, going to the cleaners, dropping the kids off at gymnastics, driving to coop, going on field trips.

There are so many times I feel like what I do at home doesn't matter.  I don't make any money.  I don't go out and work.  I don't have a title or a career.  All I do is change diapers, manage the home, feed our kids, homeschool, and clean.  My job is easy.  It's simple.  It's out of the home.  I can take breaks.  I can nap. (yeah, right).  I can watch television and go on the internet.  I don't have a boss to answer to or deadlines.  I don't have an hour commute.  And all those things make me feel like what I do is so insignificant.

Until...

Until someone steps in and watches my kids for an hour or two, and then says to me when I return: HOW DO YOU DO IT?  And it makes me happy to know that what I do does help my husband.  I am making a difference.  Just like when I came home today from church and lunch was on the table, the house was clean and Micah was dressed and happily eating in his high chair...all of that was a huge blessing to me, knowing that Micah was being taken care of by Daddy.  

Just knowing that someone was at home, cleaning it, caring for it, minding the kids, taking care of things, it made me see things from John's perspective.  And I know he does appreciate what I do.  He is thankful to come home to a clean house and dinner.  Although he would be just as grateful to come home to a messy house and peanut butter and jelly.  As long as we are all happy and healthy, he doesn't care about the floors being swept and matching outfits.  

Isn't it nice to know that what you do matters?  That it makes a difference to someone else?  It's so nice being appreciated.  

So thank you honey for appreciating what I do and realizing it's not always easy.