Why Do I Feel It's My Fault When My Child Messes Up?

Wednesday Book Club

Chapter 17 

"My Mother never gave up on me.  I messed up in school so much they kept sending me home, but my mother sent me right back!"  --Denzel Washington

I want to be a Mom like that.  A Mom who loves their child regardless of how well they perform, how much they achieve, or what they can do.  Moms are just supposed to love you no matter what!

Do you ever define someone (or your kids) by the circumstance they are in?  How about yourself?  Do you let a situation define you?  Or do you only let what God says is TRUE about you define you?

Lysa shares a time when she was called to the principal's office because of one of her children the very same day she was invited to speak at a Parenting Conference.  She knew in her mind that her child was in the process of being shaped.  That her daughter is sweet but made a bad choice, and that the situation was all a part of her child growing up.  But with her heart...she felt like a failure?

Have you ever seen your child do something not so flattering and instantly felt like a failure as a parent?

I have.  I will never forget the day I ventured out with all three at the park when Micah was maybe 3 months old.  It was June and the perfect day for the park.  But my Mark was still adjusting to a new baby at home.  Afterall he had been my only baby boy for nearly 4 years and then we bring home this cute chubby baby who nursed round the clock and took up all of mommy's free time.  Mark was even starting to wet the bed!  He had never done that before?!  That only had me feeling awful and stretched and so worn out.  So, I thought a trip to the park would be the greatest solution because taking the big kids to the park instantly turns me into mommy of the year.

We get to the park, and Mark had his first screaming melt down.  I mean screaming!!!  Julia did something he didn't like (I can't even remember it now) and he was letting her know how angry he was!  Well, didn't my children know we don't "do" melt downs?  Team Mac kids do not throw tantrums or have melt downs, we calmly talk out our feelings...ummmmmmm, not happening.

To be honest I didn't even care why he was screaming, I was just so mortified.  I put Micah in the stroller told Julia to head to the car, and picked Mark up and our trip to the park was over.  Mommy fail.  In that moment I just felt like a failure.  Why couldn't I enjoy all three kids on this sunny day at the park?  Why couldn't we all get along?  Why did he have to have a meltdown?

And if I had been called to the principal's office like in Lysa's position, I would be so embarrassed and feel so defeated and feel like I was the one in trouble.  You are a bad mom, Kristi.  The voice in my head told me.  You have a bad home.  You can't keep the peace.  Your children are a mess.  It's all your fault.

What do we do in those instances when we leave a play date with friends and our child can't handle it, or our child can't share, or our child had an accident...whatever it is what do we do?  What voice do we allow to play in our head?  Is your voice kind to you or judgmental like mine?  Does your voice build you up or tear you down?

Do you realize that we all face these situations?  Many times I feel alone with my mommy struggles because as a stay at home mom we don't see what other moms go through day in and day out.  We don't see the triumphs, struggles, spills, successes in another person's home.  

If we want to see how God views our situation we need to take time to be with Him.  To pray and talk to Him to read the Word and get to know what He is like.  God loves us.  He wants us to be like the wise man who builds his foundation on the rock.  The Storms of life will always come.  

 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” --Matthew 7: 24-27

We all face difficult situations in life.  We have good days and bad days.  Don't let the bad days define you.  Don't let your situation define you.

I love how Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God."

God knows your situation.  He knew you before you were formed in your mother's womb.  He knows how many hairs are on your head.  I love how personal our God is to us.  He truly wants us to know Him.

Have you ever noticed that when you take time to be with the Lord, He doesn't condemn you?  He  just tells you how much he loves you, how valuable you are to Him, and promises to be by your side no matter what.

No matter what situation you face in life or with your children, each one is a call to ACTION.  Get to the heart of the issue.  Take time to ask the questions, to be there for your child, to reassure them that you love them.  I think back to that day at the park.  I think back to all the changes we all were going through.  And I wish I could do a do over.  I wish I could've stopped caring so much what on lookers were thinking of my screaming child, and just stopped to talk to him.  I could've reassured my love to him, cuddled him, and talked the situation through better.

Here are wise words from Lysa...

"When hard times come and beat against our stability, we must be determined to hear God's words and put them into practice.  Then nothing can topple our peace, security, or true identity." 

So hang in there pretty mama!  You are doing great.  You are a great mom!  And today is a new day!