05 September 2016

Why Watching You Grow Hurts

First Day Send Off

It was a fun Labor Day weekend filled with family, friends, a movie night, dinner guests, and a trip to a historical village with more friends.  It reminded me of this summer.  We each made our bucket lists, even the kids and we did our best to squeeze in all our summer goals, and still kept to our reading lists and math reviews.  Julia and Mark read Lord of the Rings at night with Daddy, and Julia also read Oliver Twist, Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde and the Illiad along with her many other "fun" easy reading books from our library trips.  We went to the beach once a week, the kids did a science camp and two Vacation Bible Schools and a week of Summer Quest camp at Timothy Christian School. We went to our favorite places like the farm, the zoo and Liberty Science Center and Aquarium, while also adding day trips to Cape May and Sesame Place.  It was a great summer.  I think this one will definitely go down in our family history books as one of the bests.  I also think that is why sending them off to school tomorrow hurts.  

It's not because I don't trust my kids, or I don't trust public school, it's just because I throughly enjoy my kids and their company.  And it's also because Julia has been home for almost 9 years... homeschooling had its ups and downs, but she has always been with me, and now it's time for her to spread her wings and fly.  

“There is freedom waiting for you,On the breezes of the sky,And you ask "What if I fall?"Oh but my darling,What if you fly?” ― Erin Hanson

She's very excited and very nervous all at once and it hurts my heart that I can't sit there in the classroom with her.  I want to calm all her fears and answer all her questions and be her best friend, I want to hold her hand, and sit with her at lunch, but moms can't do that at school.  This is her time to shine.  Mark did amazing last year and now Julia has this opportunity and I won't be sad in front of her.  I will not cry tomorrow. (Not during the walk to school anyway)  I will walk them to school tomorrow and smile big for them.  This is going to be great.  It is.  I know it is.  But it hurts.

I feel like a chapter of our family life has closed and part of me is still wondering, did we make the right decision?  We prayed and we believe we did, but did we?  This is the part of parenting I don't like.  The part where you have to just trust and be still and know that He is God and that He is ultimately in control.  I'm not good at this part.  

This is where I just have to completely lay all of my worries and questions down and just completely trust that God has this covered.  

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Last year, our son Mark was given an amazing teacher, Mrs. Ennis and my prayer this year is that Julia's teacher will be just what she needs to be challenged, to grow, and to be excited to learn.

I think watching our kids grow up hurts so much because we realize that we don't have control over everything they do.  We realize that they will have to fall or fly.  We know that they will make mistakes, that their feelings may be hurt, that other kids might leave them out, that they might be lonely or nervous.  But we at some point have to let them go, even if it is only for 7 hours, it feels like it's going to be an eternity.

"It's funny how watching your kids get older is both the best and the worst thing ever."
 So, here is to the first day of school tomorrow!  I am just as anxious and excited as the kids are.  Our outfits are out, the lunches are packed (love notes and Bible verses are inside), back packs and school supplies are at the door and ready to go...we got this!  I think...

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