I Married a S.A.M.U.R.A.I.

 I Married a S.A.M.U.R.A.I.!

By John McInerney

No, Kristi does not have a martial arts background like her husband.  However, one thing that simply struck me the other day was that my wife perfectly fits the criteria for living a samurai life.  One of our favorite movies is The Last Samurai.  Tom Cruise has a quote that greatly reminds me of my wife:

“They are an intriguing people. From the moment they wake they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they pursue. I have never seem such discipline.”

In the movie it is clear that the samurai are unlike anyone he has ever met.  They are a mysterious and captivating people with a beautiful approach and philosophy towards life.  They live their lives with the utmost intensity.  My wife certainly matches this description.  I have never met a woman like my beloved Kristi.

My wife is a…

Servant at heart.  The word “samurai” literally means, “to serve.”  My wife has a wonderful servant’s heart and I love watching her bless others with it.  I have always been impressed with her awareness of needs and her timing in meeting those needs.  As her husband, if I ask for it, it’s done…and its done fast.  Seriously, her nick name is “NASCAR Pit Stop.”   Even in the simple things.  If I am looking in the cabinet and whisper quietly to myself, “oh man, no cookies”, - bam! - the next day there will be cookies in the cabinet.  If a friend is having a difficult time and Kristi knows about it, there is a card in the mail before she hangs up the phone with that person.  (And if I’m not being cheap that day, a small gift as well.)  She loves to host and serve her friends.  There are times that if I were her and had the days she has had, I would simply run to my bed and crash after the kids were in bed.  Samurai’s don’t do that though.  Neither does Kristi.   For example, after she had Amelia, she was just getting on her feet and a friend of hers had a baby days later.  Kristi cooked a meal and drove 40 minutes just to drop it off (alone while I was at work).   She is an amazing servant that cares deeply about those she loves and loves to bless them.

Ambitious.   Samurai’s are ambitious.  They take on challenges.  The bigger the challenge the better.  The purpose of challenges is to make them better samurai.  Ambition welcomes difficulty because it leads to success.  This is my wife.  She is a busy woman.  Some might think too busy, but that stems from the root of her great ambitious nature.  She is not afraid to take on challenges.  She has a baby and a toddler and is able to homeschool two young children, manage our home, her blog, she is a MOPS leader, co-leads our Missional Community, teaches kids Sunday school, leads church women’s retreats, the list is endless.  Her schedule with the children on a weekly basis is amazing.  Not many moms have weekly trips to the library, zoo, farm, liberty science center, gymnastics, etc.  No matter what she does, she goes above and beyond what is expected of her.  

Meticulous.  Samurai’s do everything to perfection.  Every single movement or task is done not just for the purpose of completion, but to bring forth perfection into the world.  In everything they do, they are meticulous.  Typically a stay at home mom tends to be the spouse who cooks the dinners and normally plans it a  day or even two before.  Not my wife.  My wife has quarterly dinner plans that are mapped out for the next 90-day rolling period.  She also knows what each child is wearing for each day of the week, for practically the rest of their lives.  For our children’s birthday parties or graduation she plans everything to the T.  She buys special outfits for anyone’s special day so they feel extraordinary and they look like should be in a J Crew photo shoot. As a teacher she trains our children and plans for their lessons and field trips with great passion.  She is just as hard on them as she is on herself.  She wants everything done properly as samurais do.  “Do not just do it, do it perfectly.”  I love that about her.  

 United:   Samurai were all united by a commitment to a philosophy of bushido or “the way”.  A value system of loyalty, marital arts mastery and honor united them as a people.   Their way of life and their worldview was in a sense their purpose for being.  My wife and I are united by “the way” as well.  However, it is not just a system of morals agreed upon by men, because those values can and do change as men and their ideas change.  We are committed to the unchanging moral law giver, the triune God Himself.   If our marriage is successful in any form or fashion, it is because individually we are committed to God first.  The foundation in our hearts and minds is that we will honor and live for Him and we know we can get through anything together with Him.  I know my wife is united with me in our journey because she is one with Christ through faith.  I trust her first because she is a follower of Jesus and I know she loves Him, and second because she is my wife.  This provides a unity that has divine glue.  When we face the wars of life, it is not our emotional strength that keeps us together, but our commitment to God and His strengthen of us.  

 Respect:   When a samurai passed you, the proper response was to bow.  Respect was vital, or it could cost you your life.  Now Kristi appears to have a kind, upbeat and bubbly type personality, and she does.  However, she can be (this is not a secret, she will tell you) a bit…over sensitive at times.  And man, if disrespected, (as she says), “the black will come out.”  She can turn on you like one of those vampire movies where they look normal but all of sudden their whole face changes and those teeth come out and the viewer is like, “whoa”!).  Kristi is very articulate and will verbally tear you down.  She will let you know about yourself and you will greatly regret it.  I really think she could have been an excellent litigator.  She will tell you how you did it wrong, why you did it wrong, what you did wrong leading up to the offense and then explain the conscious and subconscious thoughts you had while committing the offense against her.  Every word out of her mouth is another nail in your coffin, another shovel full of dirt burying you.  Yes, you will respect her.  I respect her, greatly, and, I think that is a good thing.  In my opinion, some relationships would be much better if there was a healthier balance of a wife being submissive to her husband, and at the same time her husband still respecting his wife.  I respect Kristi.  A lot.  And she deserves it.  I will honestly tell you, a husband is much more fulfilled when in a relationship with a woman he respects.  

  Attractive:  Samurai’s were amazing to look upon.  Their traditional dress and warrior armor were pieces of art, perfectly sculpted to their body with intricate designs.  Their attractive garb communicated clearly their synthesis of beauty and power.  If you did not know by our four children, I think Kristi extremely attractive.  Her manner of dress is something I greatly admire.  She is most certainly a fashionista, loves clothing, makeup, etc.  However she dresses with a style that intrigues me.  It promotes her beauty yet does not communicate the wrong idea.  She dresses beautifully but not sexy even though she is very attractive.  I think our culture and the media for some time now have threaded a great lie into the minds of women to tell them that sexy = beautiful.  This is a lie.  Our culture today says that love = physical intimacy.  This is a lie too. 

Sexy captures a man’s imagination for fulfilling his baser instincts.  Beauty however, captures the imagination for the intimate relationship of beings first, not their bodies.  Attraction to the beauty of a being should always precede physical attraction if a relationship is to be healthy.  Women want to be wanted and loved.  The lie says, “dress sexy because it will make you feel good and wanted at the same time.”  Women have believed this but it actually commutates differently and triggers a man’s mind to its natural interpretation.  Sexy says, “I’m showing you what I want to give you and I’m showing you because I want you to look at me in that way and think thoughts about what I am showing you for as long as you can look at me.”  My Kristi is beautiful in public.  She’s sexy at home with her husband, the only one who should be thinking of her in that way.   I greatly respect this about her.  (And honestly, I think she is so much hotter because of this ☺.  It basically communicates to me, “no, this is not for them to see, this is for you.”  …that’s hotness right there.  That causes a man’s respect of his woman to undergird his attraction to her).

Inspiring:   Samurai’s were the people with the full package in ancient Japan.  They sought the perfection of themselves and their way of life.  This caused them to be the source of inspiration for their country.  I think Kristi is a wonderful inspiration to everyone who knows her.   She is a wonderful friend, a fantastic and creative teacher, and a superb wife.  She is certainly a Proverbs 31 wife.  “An excellent wife who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels.  The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.   She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”

Thank you my love.  Thank you for loving Christ so much you reflect our creator in our relationship, our home and our community.  You have served me, loved me, made me feel safe in your love, I trust you, I respect you.  You are certainly a Samurai wife.