16 May 2013

Things Hoped For

Hebrews 11: 1

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

When I was 15 years old I was diagnosed with having a giant cell tumor in the bone of my foot.  I had to go to Sloan Kettering in NYC for surgery.  I basically was in all the medical books because it was such a rare case for such a young person and such an aggressive benign tumor.

During that time I felt God was testing my faith.  I had accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 5, baptized at age 11, but it was at this time in my life that I think God wanted to see what I was really made of.  Would I wallow in my loneliness (I couldn't go to HS that Sophomore year I had to finish my studies at home privately), would I yell at God and demand answers, would I just give up on my faith, or was I made of stronger stuff?

Well, one thing is for sure, I read the Bible every day and wrote in my journal and prayed.  This verse in Hebrews became my favorite verse.  I wanted so badly to be able to walk again, but I couldn't picture it.  Even the doctors couldn't tell me if I would be able to walk, run, or work out the way I used to.  It was something that I would just have to trust God for.

One of my biggest fears was that nobody would love me (thinking back to that now I see how silly that was) but at 15 I felt if I wasn't whole on the outside, if I wasn't perfect, without crutches or an air cast, I wouldn't have friends, and nobody would like me.  I pictured my life without a husband or children.

Junior Year I was allowed to go back to school with a single crutch.  My foot continued to heal, but I needed assistance.  I even got out of gym time and began helping in the guidance office during gym time.  (that was fun!)  I also was in the same homeroom as John McInerney (God you have such a sense of humor and great timing!)  And wouldn't you know it, John to this day says the fact that I had that crutch gave him the courage to actually talk to me (he says, I couldn't run away from him!!! LOL).

God gave me so many great verses of encouragement while I was home alone that sophomore year, and He gave me even more help when I was so nervous to face all my friends Junior year with a crutch.

I learned that the one thing I couldn't see up ahead...a husband, a family, children...God has blessed me with over and above.  Today I just wanted to say thank you Lord, for my family.  Thank you for the husband that loves me and loves YOU, thank you for 3 beautiful and healthy children, and thank you that I can walk, run, and chase after my children.  Yes, I do get a sore foot at the end of most days, but it reminds me of YOUR faithfulness.  I'm so thankful for my faith in God.  He never lets me down.  His timing is always perfect.  He is always good.

The very things I hoped for and couldn't see up ahead was a spouse, and children, and now thanks to God I have both!


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