05 February 2014

How do I resign from the Mommy Guilt Club?

Book Club Wednesday

Am I Messing Up My Kids? Book by Lysa TerKeurst

Have you ever gone from feeling like Mom of the Year (making an awesome batch of pancakes or brownies) to a gold star member of the Mommy Guilt Club (you know, when everything you plan to do goes wrong, no one behaves, or worse yet your child throws a tantrum in the MIDDLE of the store?)

How do things go so wrong so quickly?

One minute you feel like skipping through a field singing, The hills are alive!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the next minute you feel like hiding in the bathroom watching Rachel Ray on your I pad for the rest of the day!

Why do we get so upset?

Why do we care if our kids clothes don't match?
Lysa has declared a state of emergency!  No more mommy guilt!  Here are her rules:

1." I will no longer be fooled into thinking that my kids came to me good and anything bad they do is a reflection of my poor mothering.  No, kids are bad when they come to us.  They have a sin nature just like we do.  They need a Savior just like we do.  Instead of pointing the finger at myself when they act bad or make poor choices, I will point them to their Heavenly Father.  I will assess what correction the kids need and administer that, but I will not let my kids' poor choices define me as a mother."

2." I will have the courage to let them live with the consequences of their bad choices.  This is tough because we as moms have become masters at fixing, and arranging, and protecting, which is necessary when they are young.  At some point we have to start shifting responsibility to them.  We want what is best for them and think all our extra efforts to fill in gaps are a good thing, but it isn't."...I will not follow behind my children for the rest of their lives, picking up the pieces of their bad choices."

(sometimes this means announcing the temperature for the day and the time you are leaving, and if they don't match or are too cold next time they will remember a jacket.)  

3. "I am going to stop feeling guilty over telling my kids no.  I already tell them no quite a bit.  But often I feel guilty for doing so.  Not anymore.  No is a great answer and one they will hear for the rest of their lives from other people.  As long as I balance the noes with enough yes answers to keep their hearts from getting discouraged hearing no will be good for them."
4. "I will not compare myself to the seemingly perfect moms I know.  Look, motherhood is hard.  70 percent of mothers will admit to having struggles with this complicated role, and I'm convinced the other 30 percent is not telling the truth.  WE all have good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments, victories and defeats.  Just as there are no perfect children there are no perfect mothers.  We are all just doing the best we can.  We all need to call out to God often for strength, courage, wisdom, patience, and grace, grace, grace.  Instead of criticizing each other, we moms should band together, encourage each other and help each other out." 
I loved all of Lysa's rules especially the last one, because I know so many perfect moms that I can never live up to.  I get discouraged just thinking about it.  But what I do love are the women God keeps putting in my life to sharpen me, to laugh with me, to lean on, to pray with, and to feel normal with.  I have met the sweetest group of friends at church and at my coop that I know God has destined for me to meet and grow from.  I will never ever be a perfect mom.  But I do not have to feel like a horrible mom either.  With God's grace I will just do the best I can.

I think the moms who willingly admit they need God's help and strength will be blessed with it!

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