Doing Your Best To Give Quality Time
I love having a big family. I do. But the hardest part for me is spreading myself out to each member of the family in equal amounts. And since I'm always pregnant (well, that's how it feels) I am constantly learning how to juggle and re-juggle balancing out quality time with everyone all the while meeting the demands of a little one.
I can't help but feel some sort of sadness once my pregnancy draws to an end (I didn't feel this way after Mark because he was already almost 4 years old) because I know that the youngest child will somehow get slighted when it comes to getting attention. Today as the big kids were away at VBS and I got to spend yet another day one on one with him at the library I started to feel that sadness that feeling knowing that he will no longer be "the baby" but will have to learn to wait, and share, and sometimes need me and I won't be there just when he does.
The Mommy guilt creeps in and I start to panic and wonder, how will I manage with ALL FOUR KIDS? How will I nurse Mia, run after Micah, and homeschool Julia and Mark? How?! I start to doubt everything I have learned these past 7 years raising the first 3...and I start to worry about raising the fourth.
But I am reminded that I am not the first Mom to have kids close together, there are moms with multiples, moms with kids 11 and 12 months apart. Moms who have way more than 4 kids. Moms who balance it all. After all there is nothing "new under the sun". Just because something is new or foreign to me, doesn't mean it has been done, done well, mastered, and conquered.
Obviously, God knew I would have four kids. Obviously, he has equipped me to raise and teach them. No, it's not going to be a piece of cake, but I will just have to work at it and find my own rhythm and just do my best.
I'm sure in a few months I will be blogging about how I survived life with a new baby, a new house, and homeschooling through it all. When I do, remember that it wasn't easy. Remember that I had lots of guilt, lots of doubt, and many concerns.
I'm sure Micah will be a great big brother...even if he is only 1 1/2. I know that him having to learn how to wait, be patient and share is a part of life. He can't be the baby for ever...although those lips and cheeks and chubby thighs make me believe he will be.
I'm really thankful for this family God has given me. And I just pray that I can be a good mom. A woman who is faithful, patient, loving, firm, fun, and balanced. I want all of my kids to secretly think they are my favorite because I loved them lavishly. Even though I do not have any favorites.
My Mommy guilt is starting to disappear...