Growing in Love and Size
One of my many fears about being a mother is meeting everyone's needs. It was always my same fear as a classroom teacher too. You are given these beautiful gifts in the form of children/students, and you want to do everything you can to not only teach them everything they need to know, but you want to love them, stretch them, inspire them, and push them to be all they can be.
When you only have one or two kids meeting one child's need is a challenge. But because you can focus all your undivided energy on that one child it's totally doable (with God's help of course), then once the next sibling comes you begin the balancing act of dividing yourself. I think that's one going from one child to two children is so hard at first. It is such a huge feat to sort of "share" your self, your time, your energy with both children.
I clearly remember crying on the way to my friend's house as I was having contractions with Mark. Julia was 17 months old and I felt awful that in a matter of hours I was no longer going to be "only" her mommy, but that now she would have to share me and that she would have to learn to wait for things. I wanted so badly to just spoil her and give her my undivided attention...and yet I knew that things would never be the way they were. I even thought...how will I love this new baby the way I love her?
Now, I am a mom of 3.5 kids. I divide my time between Julia (6), Mark (4), and Micah (1) all the while growing this little petunia in my belly (due in late August or early Sept). And the same fears go through my head...how will I do it? I know the correct answer is...with God's help you just do it! The love will come, the children will adjust to the new member of the family. And all will be well. There will be a new normal, just like there was when Micah was born. And I know God will expand my heart, my horizons, and my perspective on motherhood once again.
Isn't it amazing how in an instant life can completely change?
And isn't it amazing how in an instant you can fall in love with someone you never even met?
Each day my love grows more for this little baby...and although so unexpected, and only by God's grace I am learning to once again stretch my heart and mind and wrap my brain around the wonder of it all.
|My darling Julia, my favorite first born|
|My sweet Mark, my favorite red haired boy|
To my favorite chubby little, happy go lucky, always smiling blondie boy
And to you my sweet petunia whom I have not yet met...we love you already and we are happy to welcome you and include you into our growing family.