Wednesday Book Club
Lysa Terkeurst
Chapter 4 What Kind of Unglued Am I?
Am I an Exploder or Stuffer?
"It's both healthy and productive to identify the issues that cause us to react badly when we are stressed, irritated by people who get on our nerves, stuck in conflicts, feeling hurt or causing hurt, at the mercy of raging hormones, or drenched in our raw emotions."
Okay, so let's start with me. I'm definitely a stuffer. I'd much rather stuff my feelings than confront for fear of an explosion. However, it is so easy to read me that most of my friends, and the people who really know and love me that they can tell when I am hurting or stuffing even when I say, "I'm fine!"
"Exploding means pushing emotions outward."
If you are an exploder you probably regret every time you explode. You may have stern words, harsh looks, raise your voice, and have demonstrative gestures. But you know what at least you get your yucky feelings out! Although, once they are out they do damage to whomever is in your crossfire. That's the thing about our words...they can deeply hurt those around us. And we can't take them back.
"Exploding feels good in the short term, but awful in the long term."
One thing I absolutely love about John is that he is not either one of these. Seriously, he's pretty darn perfect at times. It's annoying. I think one of the many reasons I married John was that he has been such a level headed even keeled person. I grew up in a home where there was a lot of exploding and stuffing going on and when I sought a mate, I really looked for someone who was super stable and authentic and honest. Growing up in a home like that was rough because I never knew what to expect. It was a scary feeling. I am so glad I married him because I couldn't handle exploding or stuffing from him. I think that would make our marriage very difficult. We really have great communication and talk things out before they get to an exploding or stuffing emotion....thank goodness!
"Stuffing means pushing emotions inward."
I hate being a stuffer when I am hurt because it just hurts all the more and then I get angry for being hurt and I get madder and madder at the situation and it spirals into something really ridiculous. God has really taught me to be honest when I am hurt and say, "That bothered me." "Or that is not okay to say." At least then I can get the emotion out and deal with the hurt right away. Stuffing just prolongs everything!
4 Categories of Unglued Reactions
* Exploders who shame themselves
* Exploders who blame others
*Stuffers who build barriers
*Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks
No matter where you fall in any of these categories, know this, whatever, whichever you do, you will pay a cost for coming unglued.
I love when Lysa talks about Soul Integrity: "honesty that's godly. It brings the passion of the exploder and the peacemaking of the stuffer under the authority of Jesus."
That's what we all need. We need help in these situations. We need time to stop and think instead of stuff or spew. And that requires a lot of maturity and soul searching and self control. I will end with this verse in James.
James 3:17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
We are called in any situation to be peace makers. And as a mom of 3 I feel like I am constantly trying to keep the peace among my three kids so I know how difficult it is among little ones and big ones. Although dealing with little kids is sometimes easier. In life we have a choice, we can explode, we can stuff, or we can be the hero and keep the peace.
"It's both healthy and productive to identify the issues that cause us to react badly when we are stressed, irritated by people who get on our nerves, stuck in conflicts, feeling hurt or causing hurt, at the mercy of raging hormones, or drenched in our raw emotions."
Okay, so let's start with me. I'm definitely a stuffer. I'd much rather stuff my feelings than confront for fear of an explosion. However, it is so easy to read me that most of my friends, and the people who really know and love me that they can tell when I am hurting or stuffing even when I say, "I'm fine!"
"Exploding means pushing emotions outward."
If you are an exploder you probably regret every time you explode. You may have stern words, harsh looks, raise your voice, and have demonstrative gestures. But you know what at least you get your yucky feelings out! Although, once they are out they do damage to whomever is in your crossfire. That's the thing about our words...they can deeply hurt those around us. And we can't take them back.
"Exploding feels good in the short term, but awful in the long term."
One thing I absolutely love about John is that he is not either one of these. Seriously, he's pretty darn perfect at times. It's annoying. I think one of the many reasons I married John was that he has been such a level headed even keeled person. I grew up in a home where there was a lot of exploding and stuffing going on and when I sought a mate, I really looked for someone who was super stable and authentic and honest. Growing up in a home like that was rough because I never knew what to expect. It was a scary feeling. I am so glad I married him because I couldn't handle exploding or stuffing from him. I think that would make our marriage very difficult. We really have great communication and talk things out before they get to an exploding or stuffing emotion....thank goodness!
"Stuffing means pushing emotions inward."
I hate being a stuffer when I am hurt because it just hurts all the more and then I get angry for being hurt and I get madder and madder at the situation and it spirals into something really ridiculous. God has really taught me to be honest when I am hurt and say, "That bothered me." "Or that is not okay to say." At least then I can get the emotion out and deal with the hurt right away. Stuffing just prolongs everything!
4 Categories of Unglued Reactions
* Exploders who shame themselves
* Exploders who blame others
*Stuffers who build barriers
*Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks
No matter where you fall in any of these categories, know this, whatever, whichever you do, you will pay a cost for coming unglued.
I love when Lysa talks about Soul Integrity: "honesty that's godly. It brings the passion of the exploder and the peacemaking of the stuffer under the authority of Jesus."
That's what we all need. We need help in these situations. We need time to stop and think instead of stuff or spew. And that requires a lot of maturity and soul searching and self control. I will end with this verse in James.
James 3:17
But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
We are called in any situation to be peace makers. And as a mom of 3 I feel like I am constantly trying to keep the peace among my three kids so I know how difficult it is among little ones and big ones. Although dealing with little kids is sometimes easier. In life we have a choice, we can explode, we can stuff, or we can be the hero and keep the peace.
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