Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.
My Mother recently sent me a letter in the mail that has touched my heart to the core. After reading it I quickly text her and said, "Your words were like balm to my soul." And they were.
First, let me start out by saying that growing up I really tried to honor and obey my parents and make them proud of me. I'm not saying I was a perfect daughter, but I definitely tried to be. I so longed to hear the words, "Kristi, I am so proud of you." My parents did the best they could, and I love them dearly, but I really don't ever remember them telling me they were proud of me.
The first time I heard my dad said he was proud of me, was either right before John and I got married or right after and he was talking to both John and I and it was such a powerful moment because I was thinking to myself, "wow, dad, you've never said that before."
I'm not sure if it was because they were super busy, which they were, or because of their personality, but either way they were words I longed to hear from them.
So, anyway, after I got this letter from my mom, and let me just say that because both of my parents are artists, and my dad is also a writer, they have a gift with words. Every birthday, or anniversary I cherish the cards they give me because they don't just sign the card, they write in the card. Usually bringing me to tears. Even John has noticed their gift with words, when he gets a card from mom and dad he always shows it proudly to me because their words make him feel so good.
Mom wrote, "I have wanted to tell you for a while now that I couldn't be prouder to be called your mother." Those were the first words of the letter and right away she had my full attention.
"You have super-sized my wildest expectations of you! Julia and Mark are blessed to have you for a mother!" And that's when the tears came. I don't know about you but whenever I am referred to as Julia and Mark's mother this overwhelming feeling of pride, joy, and great expectation just over take me and instantly bring me to a humbling place of tears. I really want to be a good mom and I really try to be a good mom to both of them, but sometimes I feel so ill-equipped, so tired, so overwhelmed, and I know I am my own worst critic.
She goes on to say, "You manage an entire household effortlessly (little does she know...actually she's a mom so she totally knows it takes a lot of effort, especially when you have two babies under two and you are working on little sleep, and you are very particular about how your home should look...is it normal to have lists about your lists? LOL) while caring for and nursing a newborn, managing, directing, teaching a super-bright toddler (okay she's the grandma so she is slightly biased heehee) not to mention all the details of maintaining a loving relationship with your husband." To all of you mommies who blog out there isn't it amazing how much we are able to do in one day, with the help of the Lord of course? Sometimes I forget that being a mom is ten times harder for me than being a full time teacher at TCS...being a teacher came so easy to me...being a mom is so much infinitely harder, very rewarding, I love my family, I love taking care of my home, but infinitely harder. That is why prayer has become so detrimental to my daily beginning. Without prayer, without refreshing myself with God's Words to me and renewing my mind, I would feel hopeless some days.
The letter goes on to say, "The Lord has given you an incredible inner-strength to weather such a period. (key words...the Lord...) You have clear and strong boundaries and this is good, and important." I won't go on to write each word she said to me, but I will say that God certainly knows when we need encouragement. He certainly knows when we need to hear the words, "I'm proud of you." So thank you Mom. Thank you God for your perfect timing. Isn't it so great to know that even though we think we grew up missing something, that God is always faithful to give us what we need at just the right time?
God you are so amazing. Thank you for your perfect timing in my life. Thank you for my mom's words of encouragement. Help my words to be pleasing and acceptable in your sight. You are my strength, and my Redeemer.
Posted by Kristi McInerney at 9:10 PM|