24 February 2012

So Long Insecurity

Currently I am leading a Women's Bible study using Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity book.  We are reading the hardback and doing the workbook group work.  We have about 30 women coming each Tuesday and we have a great time!

I'm learning so much about myself that I've never considered before.  And it's really true that when you enter your late twenties and early thirties and start having kids of your own you start to think back on your own childhood, how you grew up, how you were raised, your family traditions and you try to figure out why you think the way you do and what you truly believe.

This past week I learned that we all have insecurities for different reasons.  Here are the 8 things Beth Moore lists as the roots of insecurity.

1. Instability in the home (abuse, divorce, mental illness)
2. Significant loss (person, home, relationship)
3. Rejection (parent, friend, spouse, child, boyfriend)
4. Dramatic change (accident, financial crisis, move, new baby)
5. Personal limitations (learning disability, physical handicap, scar, etc.)
6. Personal disposition and temperament (hypersensitive)
7. Our culture and the pressure it puts on women to be young and beautiful
8. Pride

The major reason why I have some insecurities is basically because I'm like Beth Moore, we are very sensitive, tenderhearted people.  Dude, I cry at commercials, okay?  Does that explain it at all.  I can be mad one second and totally happy the next.  Someone could look at me the wrong way at church and I instantly think they hate me.  And it can upset me for hours.  Silly, right?  It's part of one of my people pleasing insecurities.  I want people to like me.  I really like people!  I thrive on social interaction and so if I feel left out or snubbed I start to feel very insecure.

Another reason why in the past 4 years I've noticed my insecurity even more (I used to be a confident person! LOL) was right after having Julia.  It was a dramatic change for me to stay at home instead of work and have a baby to care for.  No longer did I get accolades or awards for being a good teacher, I just got diapers, late night feedings, and lots of time at home.  The dramatic change of becoming a mother was a lot more daunting than I could ever have imagined.  I wanted this baby.  We tried for months to get pregnant.  We bought a big house with extra bedrooms, and a big backyard with swing set, and we even had the prior owner leave us her rocking chair I was so looking forward to being a mommy.  But when mommy-hood came it hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized that I didn't like change and that I was very very selfish!  Becoming a mother is all about denying self and serving this little one, and God had a lot to teach me. (And I'm so glad he did.)

But the insecurities (and wacky hormones) of being a new stay at home mom of two back to back babies was a lot to deal with.  God brought me to my knees several times as I just was at a loss for how I could do all of this.  Because every mom knows being a mom is a full time, self sacrificial, no-pay, long hours, and no sleep  type of job.  And once I got the hang out of it and started loving it I started to look at other moms, and compare, and see other kids, and compare, and then MORE insecurities came!  Questions like: Am I doing this right?  Am I good enough?  And even, the doctors are letting us bring this little baby home? plagued my mind.  And yes, my doctor's office knows us by name, and greets us with smiles at the door, and answers my questions over the phone, because my insecurities are always, Are my kids gonna make it?  Will they survive this rash, bump, boo boo, fever, etc.?

Listen, I don't have it all together, and I never pretend to.  I make mistakes all the time.  But I serve and love and awesome and mighty God.  He is my help.  He is my strength.  He is my guide.  By his grace I am the Best mommy for Mark and Julia.  By his grace I am the best wife for John.  I know my purpose.  I know my job, and with his strength (and never ever my own) I can do all things because he helps me.  Nothing that happens today is a shock to Him or hasn't passed His review.  So each day I choose to trust, serve, and love, Him.

I also have an amazing core group of girlfriends (you know who you are) who encourage me, uplift me in prayer, edify me, and bless me.  Women who I can call crying, or with a concern and who stop everything to listen.  I thank God for you because you are Jesus hands and feet to me.  You are the listening ear I need, the laugh I needed to share, or the compliment I needed to hear.  Thank you, I can only hope to bless you the same way when my turn comes to reciprocate.

Some verses that have helped and that are helping me become a more secure person, woman, and mom are:

Colossians 2: 6, 7
6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

I love this verse because as I continue to live my life in Christ, as I continue to grow and build my roots down deep in Him, He gives me strength, my faith grows, and then I begin to overflow with thankfulness for all He has done and will do in my life!

James 1: 17
17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

God doesn't change.  My circumstances may change.  But God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He can be trusted.  He is not moody.  He will always love me.  He will never leave me.  I am His child.  He is the best parent anyone can have.  His love is not conditional it is unconditional.  One of my favorite things about God is that He is a PATIENT God.  He will wait for me to learn and grow.  He is not in a rush.  He is kind.  He is good.  He is powerful.  I grew up in a home that was unpredictable and moody.  And so I love having a stable God.  He is not moody.  He does not change like shifting shadows.

Revelation 21: 3-5
3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
 5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

God makes all things new.  He is sensitive.  He cares about my hurts enough to wipe away my tears.  One day there will be no more death or mourning or sorrow.  I don't have anything to fear because He is in control when things seem out of control or scary.  One thing I am in constant fear of is my children (especially my accident prone Marky) getting hurt.  I know that God loves my children even more than I do.  He made all things and one day we won't have any scars, or cuts, or boo boos.  He will make us whole and without any pain.  That is a comfort for a mommy who has made more trips to the hospital than she would like this past year.  

I am so thankful for my life. For my children.  For my spouse.  Our home.  Our faith.  God holds us in the palm of His hand and He is making a way for us.  He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us.  He can make any situation good even when it seems rotten.

I am thankful that I have a choice to be insecure or secure.  I can choose my attitude.  I can choose how I am going to view my life and my situation.  I can be depressed or dread certain days, or I can look around and count all my blessings.  I am secure in the Lord.  I want my roots to grow deep.  And I want to overflow with thankfulness. 



  1. Thank you! I know you don't kmow me, but I am thankful for your post. I was struggling today... I am often insecure with parenting and often feel like the only one. I am a SAHM too. I have four children (ages 9, 7, 2 and 3 months). I have been home since my first was born and just feel like I am less than or not equipped for doing what God wants because I'm often anxious and not enjoying. I feel guilty if I take time for myself and am so sensitive with what people say. I am not organized and just feel like I am always not adding up. God is working... I just need to lighten up and live. Romans 8:1 is helpful. I just feel like a not good wife and clueless Mom. I know in my mind feelings are fickle, but my heart doesn't know it. I am trying... I have a Morning Moms group I attend, but the material we just read made me feel worse about myself, "Raising Responsive Children." by Judi Rossi. Now I feel like a bad wife and Mom. I am a bottomless pit today, thanks for your encouraging post!

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