12 September 2012

Deeper Friendships

Relationships are the whole reason why we are here on earth.

 But as we get busy on this road of life we sometimes invest only in the relationships in our home because it's easiest.  We forget that God has placed certain people in our path for a reason.  Yesterday at MOPS we heard from our mentor Clare share about the beauty of friendships and how some are there for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.  

After her talk we had awesome Discussion Group Questions.  I have to share them with you because they really caused all of us to think about what kind of friend we are.  Are we the type of friend that only shows the shiny lovable parts?  Or are we a real kind of friend who isn't afraid to show the more difficult, more vulnerable side, the side that needs the most love.  I like how the speaker said on our MOPS video the shiny parts don't need to be loved it's the rough edges that do!

Check out these questions we discussed as we made our craft:

1. How comfortable are you in taking risks with friends, such as inviting someone over when you know your house is a mess?  Share ideas on how to take friendship risks. 

Oh dear, this is a tough one for me.  I feel much more comfortable when my house is spotless.  I don't think I would have a play date any other way.  I probably would start to get a twitch half way through as I watched the kids play and make a mess and desperately want to clean it all up.  I really need work on this.  I need to relax and realize people are more important than a spotless house and also I don't mind being at someone else's house when it is messy, I just worry about my own.  Being a real friend means showing all of me not just the clean spotless side, because as I learned from my group it makes others uncomfortable because they can't relate to that.  And let's be honest, who's house stays spotless for long?  Especially when one has kids.

2. The video speaker described the back-and-forth of getting to know people like a game of tennis.  Are you better at serving up questions or sending answers?  Share some ways to grow in this.  

  All I know is I like to talk and probably too much.  I especially love adult conversation since I'm with little people all day.  But I think I offer questions as much as I answer.  I do sometimes practice just being quiet and letting the other person talk because sometimes we as starved stay at home mommies we can hog up a whole conversation and forget all about the other person on the line or in front of us, and I don't want to be like that.  I want to be real and open and honest when someone is talking to me.  I want to be able to say, "Me Too!" and make the other mom feel comfortable and not in competition with me.  I want to remind myself that I don't have it all together and neither do my kids.  There is nothing worse than talking to someone who thinks her kids are perfect or that she indeed is perfect.  I'll be the first to want to get right out of that conversation.

3.If you have a conflict with a friend, what are some ways to address the conflict and keep the friendship?  

I think I'm actually pretty good at this one although I don't enjoy conflict.  It's not in my nature to confront especially when I've been wronged.  But I believe in totally honesty and so if someone has hurt my feelings or done something to offend me I've learned to address it quickly so that we can both get back to normal and so that there is no festering or harboring of bad feelings.  I believe in just saying, "If I offended you I am sorry, what can I do to make it right? or how can I handle it better next time?"  Or if someone has hurt me, "This is really hard for me to say but when you did X, Y, or Z it really hurt me."  Or I try to suck it up and let it go and just forgive and forget.  Some things are not even worth addressing, especially if you know the person didn't purposefully mean to hurt you.

Our homework was  to make a play date with someone from MOPS this week!  Check!  Katie and I will be hanging out soon! (And I promised myself to not go crazy cleaning the house before...lol...well maybe a little).

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