I do not say this proudly. I say this as truth. And being a perfectionist is horrible. It is tiring. It is even more exhausting when you have kids because not only do you seek to be perfect but you expect imperfect little people to be perfect.
I have this crazy lady inside of me. She is constantly nagging me. She is constantly calling me to do just one more task and fix just one more thing. It is never ending and there is so much to fix. I am never done. The list goes on and on.
It starts out like this: Get the kids dressed, make sure they match. Give them a breakfast, make sure it is healthy, looks appealing, and totally cleaned up and put away the minute they finish the last bite. And if somebody happens to spill something at the table. OH MY WORD! Really? Really? How many times did mommy say to move your drink?
The crazy lady hates messes, hates fingerprints, hates dust and dirt. Glitter...oh please, don't even mention glitter. We don't play with glitter.
The crazy lady inside of me is way too intense about everything. She wants to loosen up, she does, really. But then the strive for perfection just pulls her into this black hole.
The crazy lady inside of me has a list of things that must be completed before any outing, or a panic attack ensues. I'm serious. I feel short of breath, I feel like I'm losing control and I can't think. It is so stressful. The happy go lucky girl inside of me just wants to leave the house in harmony, but the perfectionist needs the beds made, clothes folded, lights turned off, back packs on, (she even lines up her children at the door). There are many times I am so anxious about leaving because there is just so much to do before we head out, that I turn into mean mommy. And I really want to change.
I want to be able to just go with the flow. I want to be able to be at peace and not feel so overwhelmed all the time. Every mom is busy but you shouldn't have to feel so crazy on the inside.
This is something I am really praying about. I'm asking God to show me ways to loosen up where I need to be loose and to care about the things that really matter. Things like: making my kids feel loved and safe, not lecturing them because they spill something. I don't want them to feel bad because they make a mistake.