Chapter 4: His S*xuality
Truth be told I wanted to skip this chapter! I'm blushing as I type and feeling rather inadequate as I share, but I am "not ashamed to talk about what God was not afraid to create." My Pastor says this quote a lot, especially when talking about love and marriage and reading through the Song of Solomon.
Okay here goes...
This chapter focused on keeping our husbands a major priority in our life. They should obviously not be the last person on our list by any means. I think at the beginning of marriage it is a lot easier to make your husband a priority because you do not have children and all their needs and demands to meet. Having a career and keeping house is a priority also and finding a balance is key.
I don't know about you, but have you ever been stretched so thin that you felt like you would break? As women, we have so many priorities and needs to fill and meet. We want to be good moms, serve at our church, be good homemakers, have successful careers, stay close to our extended families and our friends, and of course be great wives. But at the end of the day we are tired. We have been pulled in every direction possible. We've been tested and stretched by the kids. We've tried to keep the house presentable, we've tried to run all our errands, bring in extra money if possible, type a quick email to a friend, be creative with meals, run to the post office, cleaners, the bank, the grocery store...the days are so long, and by the time you put the last kid to bed, fold the last bit of laundry, pack the last lunch, and prep the coffee for the next day, oh, and feed the dog...you and I are tired...so tired in fact that the last thing on our mind might be, "How can I make life wonderful for my husband? How can I meet his needs?"
Sad, but true. Finding a balance with all of our priorities and placing our husbands as a high priority is key for having a great marriage. And also having good communication, because sometimes we are just so tired, and other times we really miss them, but they are busy.
A few mentors of mine have always shared the importance of having a date night (even when you have kids, keep this up, and this is very hard, because babysitters are hard to find and expensive to pay for, but it should be a priority, right) My pastor shared with us during marriage counseling that getting away at least once a year, just the two of us, would be beneficial to our marriage, and that doesn't mean a cruise or European vacation, it could mean the kids stay over at grandma and grandpa's or auntie and uncles, and you and your husband get an evening all to yourself. Date nights are also important to schedule at least once a month! And I've been known to ask my in laws and family members to do it when we were counting every penny b/c sometimes paying for a sitter is not an option.
A date night sets the tone and gets the two of you in sync and caught up with each other's life, because sometimes when you are pulled away by your career or kids it's as if you are running two separate ships. Getting caught up and having that face to face talk is very important and isn't it wonderful not to be interrupted by crying, whining, or a smelly diaper?
It's important to make s*x a matter of priority in your marriage because your husband's needs are your priority and vice versa. Open communication and meeting his needs is vital whether you feel like it or not. And believe me I'm not only talking to you but to myself. It's never easy, but it's a choice, and I love my husband and so I want to make the right choice, don't you?
We need to have a godly perspective in every area of our life and marriage and if our only perspective is what our needs are and what we feel like doing then we aren't considering God's perspective. We knew that when we married our bodies were no longer our own. Stormie says, "We owe each other physical attention and we're not to deprive one another." God says our body is to comfort and complete our mate.
Let your husband know you love him by holding his hand when you are walking together, or sitting close to one another when you watch a show. Really listening when he is sharing about his day at work. And saying I love you before they leave to work and when they come home. Many times I find myself not really giving John my full attention when he arrives, because I may be cleaning or washing a dish, but I'm really going to practice stopping what I am doing before he leaves for work and when he gets home and really pay attention to him. Just because I love him and I want him to know that he too is important to me.
On that note, let's work on making our husband's a priority this week by this week's LOVE DARE:
Prepare a Special Dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate!
*Do you know his greatest hopes and dreams?
*Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?
*Do you know his greatest fears and why he struggles with them?
Scripture to ponder...
1 Corinthians 6: 18-20
1 Corinthians 6: 13
Proverbs 5: 15-19