27 January 2010

Seven Secrets of a Confident Woman Chapter 4

New Year's Eve at the Hech's...it was Julia's true birthday! I just love her!!!

Seven Secrets of a Confident Woman

Ladies, this is one of my favorite chapters in the book! (It's the list thing! I love lists!!!)

#1 A confident woman knows that she is loved.
#2 A confident woman refuses to live in fear.
#3 A confident woman is positive.
#4 A confident woman recovers from setbacks.
#5 A confident woman avoids comparisons.
#6 A confident woman takes action.
#7 A confident woman does not live in "if only" and "what if".

Secret One: She knows she is loved...We all know that God loves us unconditionally. We sing Jesus loves me, Jesus loves the little children, O what manner of love the father has given unto us...that we should be called the sons of God!, His banner over me is Love, the list is endless, the scripture verses are endless, so then why do we act like we are not loved? Well, I'm going to talk about myself, because I know the most about me than speculating why you ladies do what you do. And, I think many times I care more about how others feel about me. We deal with people everyday who we want to like us and who we want to impress and I know I get really caught up in seeking to gain popularity with the masses than with my Lord...and since people are sinful, they let us down. They hurt us, reject us, and don't love us the way God can, and so we are left feeling empty, lonely, rejected and sometimes downright depressed because of other people. Why do we let other people control our emotions? I want to really work on this area and give it over to the Lord. I want to renew my mind and change my way of thinking. If someone doesn't like me, I want to be able to let it go and remember all the people who do truly love and care for me for who I am, faults and all. I want to begin to pray for my "divine connections". Now, if you know me, you know I don't have difficulty making friends, I am what you call, a social butterfly, I can become best friends with the shop rite clerk in a matter of minutes!!! But honestly, we all need to pray for godly friends, friends who can give us godly counsel and godly wisdom, friends who speak the truth in love to us and keep us grounded, friends who encourage us and are not jealous of us. We need to surround ourselves with a great group of women whom we can trust and depend on. I know if you and I pray for such friends God will be faithful to provide just what we need exactly when we need it.

Secret Two: She refuses to live in fear. I love when Joyce says, we need to "trade pain and paralysis for power and excitement." A confident person refuses to live in fear because fear is just a feeling. We can't base our lives on mere feelings...we can make a choice to not live in fear by trusting God to help us live in the Spirit and not in our weak flesh. "Faith causes us to try new things, when Satan uses fear to cause people to bury their talents b/c of failure, judgment or criticism." I can remember my Sophomore year of college when I had to take Public Speaking! I LOVED that class. Yes, I was so fearful and nervous the night before a big speech, but once I got there and started speaking, God took over and the fear was gone! I never let being nervous stop me from speaking. In fact even if I was sick I would still get dressed up, prepare my notes even better, and go to class. It's amazing how when we don't give in to our feelings how much we can accomplish, then we can look back and be proud of what we have done, and how the Lord was able to use us despite our fears.

Secret Three: She is positive. It is a known fact: Positive people are fun to be around!!! Think back to all the teachers/or authority figures in your life...who did you admire/look up to? Who were you excited to be around and listen to? I'm guessing he/she was a positive person, right? Nobody wants to be around negative, complaining, pessimistic people, they are soooo depressing! A confident woman is positive because she knows that no matter what has happened in the past she can still have a bright future because Jesus is in her life. One of our family verses is Romans 8:28..."We know that God works all things for good." This doesn't mean we will have trouble free lives or every day will be like frolicking in a meadow, but you know what, God is there in the midst of every situation and He can turn our troubles and use them for His glory! Today is the day to believe the best and believe in something good for your future. Joyce says, "Positive thinking can change your current reality." I believe this is true. We can all fulfill a negative prophecy if we believe it...1 Cor 13:7 says we should believe the best of every person." Isn't it so great that God believes in us and hopes the best for us? That he has a plan and a purpose for our future? Hang in there sisters, your future looks very bright!

Secret Four: She recovers from setbacks. We all will have setbacks in our life, or things that we did not forsee but that God has placed in our lives to grow us. I believe that God gave me Mark so soon after having Julia to grow me and do a marvelous work in me. John and I would never have predicted getting pregnant so quickly after having our Jules. But God knew. I'm not saying Mark was a setback at all, I am saying that it was something that I did not forsee happening so soon. Especially when we tried for almost a year to get pregnant with JuJu. But the great thing about God is that He uses all these things in our lives to make us into the woman of God He wants us to be. He is shaping us like a potter shapes his clay. We can get negative or want to give up when unforseen things arise, or we can dig in our heels and hold onto God's hand and say Lord, I can't do this alone, Help! Joyce says, "She fails only when she stops trying." Please don't ever give up or stop trying...surround yourself with people who will help support you if you feel like your can't recover from a setback! Reach out for help, that is why we have the body of Christ. "God always provides new beginnings..." I'm excited to see the new beginnings in my own life, how about you?

Secret Five: She avoids comparisons. This is a good one! How many of us compare ourselves to other women? I know I do. I used to always say, I wish I could have Kelly Ripa's arms, or Tyra Banks eyes, or Denise Austin's flat tummy...the list goes on and on. You know what the sad thing about comparing yourself to others is that...there is always someone or something better. The grass is always greener, right? "Confidence is found in doing the best we can with what we have to work with and not comparing ourseves with others and competing with them." I don't know about you, but since I've turned 30 God has really helped me to begin to (still working on me) be comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes this means that I have to not watch certain shows, or read certain magazines so that I don't trap myself and start to compare/compete. The truth is God makes all of us different because being different is great! I love being different from all my friends, because then I can truly enjoy their strengths! So ladies, never compare yourselves to others, God made you just the way you are for a reason and He doesn't make mistakes. Also, don't try to change other people. Accept them for who they are, strengths and weaknesses. I think we as women love "fixing" or "changing" people. Let's work on our own hearts and lives, and let God do His mighty work of transforming hearts and minds! I may never have Kelly Ripa's arms, but my arms are strong enough to hold my kids and hug my loved ones, and that is more than enough!

Secret Six: She takes action. I LOVE this one. This is another reason why I married John...because he is just like this...these secrets apply to men too, you know! In my family, growing up, both my parents are wonderful, but one frustrating thing I've noticed is that my family can be very slow to act. Then know what to do...they know what is right, but can be very slow in moving ahead...perhaps that is why I wanted to be very different. I believe a confident person takes action because he/she is not afraid of moving forward and trying new things. He/she is bold because they see that if they do nothing that is living in fear. Joyce says there are two types of people, "The ones who wait for something to happen and the ones who make something happen." John and I are both people who love to take action! We never do it blindly, but we are always bold and trust God to help us...and guess what!? He has never, ever failed us! God loves people who are bold and take action...especially in obedience to His word.

Secret Seven: She does not live in "if only" and "what if". We can not live in the past. We can move forward! We need to choose to be women who think differently than the world does. We need to ask God to help us renew our minds and transform are thinking patterns. It is a choice. Confident women don't live in the past because they are focused on the here and now and living in the present. We can't change the past but we can make our present wonderful!!!

Please view Suzette's blog today! She is older and wiser and I love her! http://godlyrose.blogspot.com


  1. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this book Kristi; I love hearing what God's teaching you!

    And you could of written number six yourself! It perfectly describes you - I don't know anyone who accomplishes as much or follow through as often as you do! How great to know you already have mastered this piece of being a confident woman!

  2. Just want you to know that 1) you are loved so much by me and my little family, and 2) you are one of the few in my circle of friends. Love you!


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