08 July 2010

The Five Love Languages: Part 4 Words of Affirmation

Mothe'rs Day 2010
Words of Affirmation

After taking one of the Five Love Languages Quizzes to see what love languages I was, the first quiz said I was 66% Words of Affirmation....I retook the test using a different website and came up with the two that I knew I was (Acts of Service and Quality Time).  But thinking back, and looking over my life, I do see how words are very powerful to me.  People have encouraged me with their words and pushed me to do great things, and others have really broken me and tore me down with their words.  It's amazing what power the tongue has, and how a mere word can uplift your spirits or bring you down.

Proverbs 18: 21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (NIV)  Do you find yourself thinking before you speak, or do your words just rush out in a rage?  Are you a better listener or do you think about a quick comeback?  Do you find yourself thinking about what you will say next, or do you try to really stop and hear what others are trying to tell you?  Do your words sound sweet or sarcastic?  Do your words heal like aloe or tear open wounds?  Do your words make people smile or frown?  Do you speak to others the way you would want to be spoken to?

I think that we all struggle with our words, maybe by the grace of God, you may be a quieter person, but we all have sinned with our mouths.  We all have hurt someone with what we've said.  I know that because God's Word says that.  Here is some research I did:

The Psalmist said: “I cried out to him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue” (Psalm
66:16-17). The problem is, when our tongue is used to speak, it often does more harm than
good. The apostle James gave this warning about the tongue: “…the tongue is a fire, a world of
iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on
fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell” (James 3:6).

James: 1:19 Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters! Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. 20 For human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. . . 26 If someone thinks he is religious yet does not bridle his tongue, and so deceives his heart, his religion is futile. 27 Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their misfortune and to keep oneself unstained by the world (James 1:19-20, 26-27, emphasis mine).27

People whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation, need positive, encouraging words to keep their love tanks full!  Being married to a man who is a Words of Affirmation kind of guy I make sure, not that I'm always good at this, but I really try to use my words to uplift, encourage, and push him forward.  I have a lot of power with my words.  I want to choose them wisely.  I want to think before I speak.  I want to be slow to speak (or bite my tongue) at times and just listen or sometimes I need to just wait to speak until God changes my own heart.

Words of Affection and Endearment

We all speak to those we love with "comfort" words like, "honey, babe, sweetheart, love bug, honey bun, muffin...etc."  At least I know we do in this house!  And those words of endearment are passed on to our little ones...I've heard Julia talk to Marky and say, "Hi boy, what'sa matta bubba?"  She tells him, "You a good boy bapa!"  These are things she hears me say, and she says it the way I say it...(I use a deep, exaggerated voice with my little bubba.)

These words of affection and endearment speak volumes to people.  When I text my friends I say things like, "Hi love bug!  Hi muffin! Hi lovie Lou!"  Or have you ever greeted your friends with "Good Morning Beautiful!"  Words like that put a smile on someone's face and can really jump start any day!  Especially when you get a greeting back, "Good Morning, Gorgeous!"  Wow!  That just gave me more happiness and energy than a cup of coffee!

Words of Praise

We all know how words of praise can really boost our ego.  "Great job, Christy!"  "Way to go, Jack"  "I'm so proud of you Julia, you are a big girl!"   When the people we love do something well, or achieve something wonderful, even if it's something like making a good red sauce for the spaghetti, make the extra effort to acknowledge it and praise the person for a job well done.  I never want to go through life hearing my children or husband say, you never told me you were proud of me.  I always want to be their biggest fan!

Words of Encouragement

When I think of words of encouragement, I think of times when we may get discouraged.  Times when we feel sick, tired, run down, or just feel like giving up.  It's during these times that our spouse, family, or friends need to hear God's truth on our lips encouraging them, whether it be reminding them that God has a plan for their life (Jeremiah 29:11) or that God has everything under control.  Or simply that God loves them and that nothing we do is ever done alone.  

Words of encouragement can be written in a card, a short note in a lunch bag, or a quick text.  But it lets the person know you care enough to stop what you were doing to think of them.  It let's them know they are not alone, and we live in a world that is so busy and so self absorbed that we all can feel very lonely at times.  Words of encouragement lets the person know you are there for them, you love them, and you won't leave their side, no matter what.  It could also sound something like this:  "Come on Marky, I know you can do it...walk to mommy!" (oops, I just had to put this in here since my Marky is now WALKING!!!)

How you say it: Lastly, when you are trying to show your Words of Affirmation person you care, its all in delivery.  We can hear it in your voice and see it on your face, and tell it by your body language.  So if you say something, mean it, and really own it.  Don't just say something that sounds nice but has no true meaning in it.  How you say something, has just as much value as what you are saying!


So, for all of you Words of Affirmation people out there...Sweetheart, I think you are awesome! 


  1. I am definately words of affirmation and try to communicate that to others! Encouraging the Man in Your Life has really helped me to be conscious of what I say. Thanks for your input! Love it!!!! I also want people to think of me as an uplifter and very positive!!! Have a great day!!!!

    Kathy Hoberg McCain


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