06 April 2010
Husband 101: Create a safety zone
For Women Only: By Shaunti Feldhahn
I recommend this book (very short and a quick read) to every wife, it doesn't matter how many years you've been married, how long you dated, or how many kids you have, being a wife is hard work. And since we all love our husbands, what a great ministry of finding out best ways to love them better and work on building a solid foundation to your relationship.
John and I will both tell you we are opposites when it comes to communicating. He will say one thing, which he thinks is harmless, but I will interpret it another way and get upset, or my feelings hurt. I'm really trying to get better at remembering just how much John loves me, and that whatever he says, given his love for me, comes from a safe place and he never ever wants or intends on getting me upset. IN FACT, when I am hurt that is the worst moment for John because he is the type of person who wants to clear up any misunderstanding right away and wants to keep peace. He is so quick to forgive me all the time, I am also working on doing the same.
This section is on Creating a safety zone. I remember Suzette commenting on how when a man comes home they are relaxed (hopefully all the time) because home is nothing like their stressful job. Well, I guess that all depends on the environment we create for them. One of the many reasons why I love John is he is sooooo predictable and safe. I didn't grow up in a house like that. As a matter of fact my house as a child was scary because I never knew what to expect when I came home. Was everyone going to be happy? fighting? stressed? angry? I loved going to school just for the pure relief of that environment of not knowing what to expect. So I can relate to a safety zone.
Men need a place where they can make their mistakes in peace and not constantly worry that they are one misstep away from being exposed. If we are constantly "on" our husbands, mentioning every mistake, finding fault, watching, judging, etc, then we are not creating a safe haven for our husbands. I don't know about you, but the one place I love to be is my home. I want that to be true for John too, and I know I can work better in this department. How about you? What are some ways you can create your home to be a safe haven? I'd love to hear your ideas/examples. This is the best part of blogging: the comments! I love to see what you guys say and what creative ideas you come up with. I think it was Kristin's blog that gave ideas of ways to bless our husbands each day of the week: that was awesome! So, how can we create a safe haven for our husbands?
For me, it's all about the greeting when he gets home! John can tell what kind of day I've had by the way I greet him or lack thereof. Do you run to the door? Do you greet with a kiss? Do you say I love you? My daughter Julia has this part down pat!!! She out does me by a long shot. She races up the steps (usually we are watching a last video for the evening after bath time for down time) to see her daddy and she proceeds to run into his arms and laughs and smiles and showers him with kisses. If John happens to use the restroom first she bangs on the door, "JOhn! JOhn! Daddy John!" Because she wants his attention badly. Then their ritual is they go upstairs to mommy and daddy's bedroom and John puts out his clothes for the next day while Julia is allowed to play on our bed. She wants to be near him so badly. Needless to say, John is so sad if he comes home later than normal and Julia is already in bed. He misses that special attention and greeting.
Sooooo, I'm really going to make an effort this week, that when John gets home to celebrate his arrival, make him feel special, stop whatever I'm doing, give him a hug and a kiss, and ask about his day.