10 May 2012

What I imagined a Wife should do/be...

A Wife Should...

Before I got married I envisioned myself making gourmet meals in heels with an apron on in the kitchen while the children played happily in the backyard.

I pictured myself wearing pearls, having manicured nails and a 1950's dress on.

The meal would be delicious, the house would be clean, the kids would be kind, and the husband would be home every night at the same time.

Then I got married.

Our schedules were opposite.  I saw John for maybe an hour each night before kissing him goodbye early the next day to head off to teach.  The taekwondo school was right down the road and I could always swing by or take a class just to see my love. Weekends were wonderful though.  Purely family time.

 Then we had kids.

Everything was no longer neat and pretty like I had imagined it would be.  Daddy switched careers.  Sometimes he couldn't be home in time for dinner.  I always thought we'd be the type of family that had all their meals together.

So, what is a wife to do or be like? 

Well, my expectations have changed.  We may not eat meals together during the week, but Saturday and Sunday all four of us do!  During the week it's always the three of us.  We do our devotions in the morning at the breakfast table (more on that on Monday).  I grew up eating all meals alone, both my parents worked so we never had an adult at the dinner table.  I'm happy to be able to be home and be the constant one sharing and talking at the table.

My meals are not always gourmet, nor do I wear heels or pearls for that matter, but I do provide nourishment and a smile, and tell each child what I love about them and what I am thankful for.  I also tell them what made me proud of them throughout the day.

Isn't it funny how we have this picture of what life will be like and then life happens and we can only smile at how easy we thought it would be.


John has said that he thinks I'm a good wife and mother but that I have changed these past 4 + years...and in some ways good and some not so good.  I've definitely gotten snippy with him more...it's a horrible trait and something I truly want to confess and work on.  I laugh and say, "I used to be a nice person!" I think the stress of managing a home and raising children have definitely taken a toll on me.  I set very high standards for myself and others and when my standard is not met (and usually it is placed on my poor awesome hubby) I can be very very cold and snippy...it's something I absolutely hate, but that I am working on.

In Bible Study at BSF we've been reading through all of the ACTs of the apostles...we are reading in 1 & 2 Peter and Jude right now.  In 1 Peter 3, the chapter talks about submission to God, authority and our husbands...verse 4 really stuck out to me...
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves(A) to your own husbands(B) so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over(C) without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.(D) Rather, it should be that of your inner self,(E) the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.(F)

I think all too often I focus on coordinating my outfits way more than I spend on working on my inner beauty and I want to have a gentle and quiet spirit that this verse speaks of...because that is unfading beauty and is of much more worth to God.  I think if I submitted more to my husband and was more respectful in my tone at all times with him that sweet and gentle spirit would be very honoring to the Lord.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I imagined a wife should be all neat and perfect on the outside and she would do all these marvelous things, BUT I'm learning that no matter my circumstance I need to be in submission to God and my husband and have an inner sweetness and beauty...maybe that's what God has been trying to teach me recently. 

Dear Lord, 
Forgive me when I place high expectations on others around me, it only makes me angry and hurt and it rarely blesses anyone.  Teach me to honor you with my words and actions.  Guard my lips.  Help me watch my tone.  Teach me to choose loving and respectful words with John.  Thank you for a godly husband who is patient with me and loves me unconditionally.  Lord please bless me with that gentle and quiet spirit that blesses those around me.


  1. Such a thought provoking post...i can identify with many of your words and thoughts...having kids changes so much...and i am a lot more snippy now too. Good on you for admitting and wanting to work on that trait though!

  2. Wow! I needed to read those words! I am often snippy to my husband, and much of that snippiness comes from having my high expectations not met. Your prayer is my prayer too... especially the last 2 lines (sometimes I joke that I dont know why he puts up with me!) Thank you so much for sharing these words of wisdom :)

  3. Thank you so much. I dreaded writing the truth, but you know what, the truth sets us free. I'm not one to hide secrets and I always want to be a woman of godly change. So whatever God sheds to light on my life, it's there for all to see. And I'm so thankful I have a God of grace who doesn't stand in judgment on me but urges me to turn to Him and be more like Him. He is so good.

  4. I love your beautiful vulnerbility. It is such an encouragement. Love the term, "godly change" - you inspire me! Love you! xoxo C


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