John and I outside near our hotel in London (2006).
Today's talk is inspired by lots of marriage experience (okay almost 7 years, but that's a lot!) And Shaunti Feldhahn's book: For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men. My mentor, and dear sweet friend, Christy W. gave this to me after John and I got married (the got John the guy one too).
Chapter 2 is all about why respect means more to him than even your affection.
She says, "While it may be totally foreign to most of us, the male need for respect and affirmation-especially from his woman-is so hardwired and so critical that most men would rather feel unloved than disrespected or inadequate. The survey indicated that three out of four men would make that choice." Whoa, they'd rather be respected than loved, or rather they spell love R E S P E C T... If I think back to any of our most heated arguments, they all go back to John not feeling respected by me, by either my tone of voice, or my word choice, or my lack of willingness to budge on an issue.
I've learned that to show John how much I love him I need to practice respecting him. It has to be a conscious effort. My tone especially really shows him that I view him as the head of our home and that he is valued above all to me. Little notes, kind gestures, saying I love you, all those things come very easily to me, but submitting to John and showing him that I respect him speaks volumes to him.